My best friend and also business partner, “G”, is in a toxic relationship. G met “V” in late 2022 through an online dating app.
At first everything was great and our overall friends group did everything to acclimate and welcome V.
Only 3-4 months in the red flags became obvious. G was beginning to be isolated over time from friends and the rare times we did see G, he was former shell of himself trying to do everything to appease V and keep her happy, including being bombarded with messages and calls anytime V wasn’t also around.
V also quit her school and job and convinced G for her to move into his home, which G ends up going for.
Not too long after moving in, V begins flaunting expenses gifts and weekend trips that G was covering 100% for on social media outlets like Facebook & IG. Everyone is subjected to seeing that now.
A few months after moving in, V didn’t want any friends over at G’s home anymore (G’s address was a central spot where we’d all get together on occasion, whether for the Super Bowl, poker tournaments, Halloween parties, Friendsmas, etc). V didn’t want that anymore and what V wants V gets, so G succumbed to that demand and let us all know their home is closed from now on.
It was silly, but we all accepted that and moved on, just to keep the peace and to continue to support our friend G.
Since G claimed to be happy, we all just let it be and basically stayed on the sidelines. G wanted to spend all his time with V anyways, , which resulted in ignoring and dismissing myself and other close friends as time went on. It was easy to stay on the sidelines anyways when being put there naturally, but we never said anything negative to V as a courtesy to G.
It wasn’t until G started confiding with us all about their in fighting and arguments, ranging from V yelling at G in front of his daughter about finding pics of G and her Ex online (G and Ex used to be on a soccer team together and pics from that were on the team page that V found after doing a Google search), to V jumping out of their car (while at a stop sign), during a nice weekend getaway and just walked away for being upset about Facebook algorithm suggesting G’s Ex be her friend. G called me in a panic about it not knowing what to do. V eventually apologized and G forgave her.
G has a 16 year old daughter from a prior relationship, and G admitted to us that his father/daughter relationship was diminished because of V. V would yell at G right in front of his daughter for example. G’s relationship with his parents took a noticeable hit as well.
The wildest one is that V got caught messaging her Ex for a month. Her reasoning was that she was only messaging her Ex to say how happy she was now (total gaslighting). G forgave her.
It was at this point where we collectively tried to encourage G to leave and to have more respect for himself.
All of this toxicity inevitably spilled out into our group of close friends which eventually lead to a fallout where myself and others officially went our seperate ways from them because no matter what V did or what urging advice all of us would give to try and help G see the light, G would stay with her.
It escalated to a boiling point where G probably narc’d on us with V for us encouraging him to leave. That’s our theory anyways because V blocked us all on all social media outlets.
At this point I could no longer pretend to be cordial, which lead me to confronting V directly about her toxic behaviors and explain everything I’ve been told… I did this automatically without telling G first (I was being ghosted for a few days after the social media block and had no choice but to message V directly).
I did this for myself if nothing else, knowing it’d at least allow me to set my own boundary with G and just ridding this situation from my life. I told G I’ll be the first one available if he ever has the strength to actually leave V. Until then I’m out. Don’t tell me about any issues you’re having and I no longer want anything to do with V at all.
Almost a year after that fallout, they’re still in a relationship to this day.
Revently G informed me that they’re more stable and happy now due to couples therapy. I always kept a line of communication open with G if ever needed (we stay connected via our business together regardless, and V understands this aspect and couldn’t do anything about that after our fallout), and G probably misses all of his friends and is trying to stay with V and get me and other friends back.
G & V have been together together almost approaching a year and a half now overall.
Supposedly since then they’ve done couple counseling, G is saying he’s happier than ever before and that they have a solid relationship and have matured together and got past all of their toxic issues (V being controlling, manipulative and immature, while G has co-dependent issues and problems setting healthy boundaries).
G recently told me that V (supposedly… I haven’t spoke to V directly in any capacity since the fallout) understands why I confronted her at the time and that I was being a good friend to G. It’s all supposedly it’s all water under the bridge with V now according to G.
He’s asking me if it’s alright to bring V to the next group gathering.
I haven’t given any answer yet outside of I’ll have to really think about it.
My birthday is coming up in a few days and we are going to out with our group of friends for a night. I invited G only, saying that if they’re really matured in their relationship and if V truly wants to reconcile, G being allowed to show up would go a long way (jury still out if G would actually show up on his own). I guess this is a good litmus test, but… Does V deserve another chance given everything that happened?
Would it be a mistake to give it another try? I’m so jaded by everything that I truly don’t know what the right decision would be here.