So I’ve noticed that my husband is really different lately and it’s fueling my paranoia. Lately when he comes home from work, he doesn’t kiss me. I feel like he doesn’t even want to meet my eyes 😕 He takes about 40 minutes of being home before he even acknowledges me at all.
He used to always kiss me as soon as he walked in the door. Now he goes and cleans up first, he’s a mechanic so I get him cleaning up but we’ve been together for 5 years and he always came in and hugged and kissed me first but then even after cleaning up, he’s off. Like not himself and very distant. I’ve tried talking to him about it and then he’ll put in a bit of effort for a day or two but then back to the same.
I also feel like he’s hiding something. We just had our first baby 7 months ago and I feel like my worst fear is actualized. I try not to be paranoid and it’s driving him crazy but he’s hiding something and I have narrowed it down to two possibilities and I’m almost afraid to voice them and get my suspension confirmed. There are other things too. Like he went from working 8 hour shifts 5 days a week to 12 hour shifts 6 days a week, yet we have less money than before. He says it’s because of covid and nothing is selling. We also barely have an intimate life now which I know is just way harder with a new baby anyway but he used to be insatiable. Also he quit weed? So maybe that effected his sex drive? I don’t know, it’s confusing. The other possibility is that he’s abusing alcohol and hiding it. He struggles pretty hard with addictive personality and after he stopped smoking, he started drinking more. He works with two alcoholics who drink hard liquor all day at work. He started coming home all clammy and smelling like booze was coming out of his pores and when he would kiss me, I could smell and taste it and I’d ask him about it and he’d get frustrated. Maybe that’s what he’s trying to hide. I’m honestly at a total loss. We’ve always had a good marriage and he’s always been really trustworthy and has always proven to have a lot of integrity but something feels very off lately. Please help 🙏
5 comments
Well you know in your heart what is going on, even though you won’t voice it. We don’t know know what that is, so it’s hard to help.
How’s your marriage been since having your baby?
If you smell alcohol on him when he gets home that could easily explain a lot of this. “working” long hours is really working then hanging with the guys for some drinks. Going straight to cleaning up is to hide it. Other parts of his distance could be due to alcohol or just depression that he’s kind of self treating by drinking. I don’t drink, but when I had depression I was less affectionate, spent way longer alone in my home office (worked from home at the time) than I actually needed to and generally avoided unnecessary interaction with my wife. Add drinking and guilt over drinking and trying to hid the drinking and it could very easily explain all of this.
I would probably think it’s the booze. Just him trying to keep distance when he gets home knowing you can smell it on him. Also the fact that there’s new stress of a baby might make him up his drinking. Heavy drinking also heavily influences libido.
Not great. It might be best to maybe look at a pay stub of his, see his actual hours and go from there or call the shop later when he’s supposed to be working outside of what his hours used to be. There’s also find my iPhone. I wouldn’t normally recommend it but if he’s coming home drinking every night there’s a lot of risk there for his safety. And not to mention, if he’s lying, he’s leaving a full day to you instead of helping you with the baby when he could be home. This is a problem.
Even if he is working long hours like he says, why the hell is he drinking on the job? What a dangerous position he’s putting himself in. And if he drinks after work, and is saying he’s coming home directly after he’s done, that’s a lie right there.
Regardless, his drinking is a serious problem if it’s that heavy on a work day where it’s actually coming out of his pores and noticeable.
Hes hiding something. Im almost 100% sure it is another woman. Confront him now before it gets an issue out of your control.