**TLDR: Pretty much the title.**
I can’t multitask in the slightest, so unless I’m just laying there like a sack of potatoes, using my own hand to follow exactly the sensations I feel, with my eyes closed so I can focus entirely on what I’m feeling and nothing else, I can’t orgasm.
This is obviously a problem for me in relationships, because once the excitement of being intimate with someone new wears off, the main reason I want *regular* sex is to orgasm. But if the only way I can orgasm is to be super boring and unsexy to the other person by literally just lying there and taking care of myself (not even sexy masturbation), we can’t both get what we want/need out of the experience.
**So basically my pattern is this:**
At the start of dating someone, I put a lot of effort into sex, because they deserve it and because it makes me feel sexy and fun. But I’ll still only orgasm when I masturbate while I’m alone, starfished and boring, and focussed only on my own orgasm.
If the relationship progresses, the excitement of intimacy wears off, and sex becomes a chore for me because all I get out of it is making the other person enjoy their experience (which is nice, and I love doing things for the people that I care about, but eventually I’m inevitably going to get tired of doing it regularly, because when the pleasure isn’t mutual, it morphs into more a ‘favour’ than a mutual thing).
Once sex becomes a chore, I inevitably struggle to put it on the table (preferring my sack-of-potatoes-style masturbation) until our dead bedroom breaks us up. After the first time this happened, I resolved just to put in more effort to make myself sexually available to boyfriends, but even though it might take years before I get slack, I’ve learned that I *will* inevitably return to my dead bedroom pattern.
Anyway, yes, I know I’ve fucked up. Please don’t comment just to tell me I’ve been a terrible girlfriend, because I’m perfectly aware of it.
**What can I do?**
FYI, I don’t have a porn addiction, which I know is a common reason for this sort of issue. I do read a little erotica from time to time, but I wouldn’t say I have any sort libido-altering interest or obsession with it.