I love my partner (we have been in a relationship for 4.5 years). Everything is fine with us in all aspects, I do not feel a lack of love or any kind of rejection, but for a whole year now I understand that I have fallen in love with another person, let’s call him Ivan, so as not to reveal his real name, he is 19 years old. In order to prevent questions, I will say: I really love the person with whom I am currently in a relationship and will never cheat. I don’t expect pity, I understand how bad and wrong it is.
It all started with an excursion where we met and from that moment on I can’t spend a day without thinking about him. (Well, I think everyone knows how falling in love feels) I thought it would pass, that it just seems to me, but no. I may have made a mistake when I continued to communicate with Ivan, which is why we have become very close as friends this year. I think it is clear how difficult it will be to cut off contacts with him, which makes the situation even more difficult. All my current friends, besides Ivan, are friends of my partner, so I can only speak about this anonymously.
Maybe some of you have been in a similar situation and will be able to give me advice or share your experience? I know it sounds terribly childish, but it makes me feel really bad.
TL;DR: I cannot refuse to communicate with a very close person with whom I am in love, despite the fact that I am in a relationship and because of this I blame myself and do not know what to do next.
P.S. (English is not my native language, sorry if there are mistakes.)