I don’t really know why I’m writing this but I need to get it off my chest. I’ve been single for a long time now and despite trying to get into the dating world, I haven’t made an success. My sex drive isn’t as high as it used to be, which I think is a combination of working a harder job than I used to work as well as my anti depressants. I don’t get as horny like I used to.
But what I do crave almost all the time is intimacy. Cuddling, hugging, kissing. Sex as well. Thinking about sex doesn’t get me horny. Watching porn just makes me sad and most of the time whenever I do masturbate, I just feel like garbage afterward. I feel embarrassed and ashamed.
I just wish I could be in love again, to open up and be vulnerable with someone. I can’t just hook up with someone. I need to care about someone before I have sex with them. Of course even if I wanted to hook up, I couldn’t. Most people find me very bland. I’m not ugly, I’m just not attractive. I’m a 5/10. Except for when I was with my ex. She made me feel attractive. I just want that again.