My bf and I have been together for a while now. We get intimate often but my experience just isn’t good while having sex. He has an average size penis and I’ve had orgasms with average sizes before, but I have yet experienced it with my current bf. Should I suggest toys (vibrators/dildos) or will this make him feel less masculine? Has anyone experienced the same situation and how did you resolve it before feeling sexually incompatible? My past few relationship were never an issue with sex/orgasms and never needed toys, foreplay, etc for it.

10 comments

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  2. As he does his thing bust out a vibrator for the clit. My wife does

  3. Ask how he would feel about toys. Some guys are with it others get insecure fast. Can he give you an orgasm with his mouth at least?

  4. I love toys and am all for trying them out, but it sounds to me like your issue here is something else and I don’t know if toys would necessarily fix it. Honestly that is not the first thing I would try, and the reason I say this is that you say you have had better experiences with past partners (and of similar size.)

    What is it that is making it harder to orgasm with your current partner? Is he not as good at listening to you or reading you? Or not as committed to your pleasure? Are you less attracted to him? Or is it completely independent of him, like maybe your libido is lower, or you are more anxious or distracted for reasons unrelated to him?

    I’d approach this differently based on what I thought was going on. If he’s just not trying, you need to communicate that to him and if he can’t put out the effort, do yourselves both a favor and leave him and find someone who will. If he tries but just doesn’t read you as well, that’s something you can work on, but it might take a lot more effort and communication on your part to show and teach him what to do and how to get better at it. If it’s your lack of attraction to him, then again, if this is important to you, do yourselves both a favor and break up. If it’s some other issue independent of him, then you need to go work that out yourself, whether it’s a health issue like a medication side effect (common with SSRI’s…either switch meds, or if you can, go off them and find different ways to overcome depression/anxiety), or untreated depression/anxiety, or something else causing lower libido…figure it out on your own. In this case you could mention it to him and be reassuring that it’s not his issue and it’s your own issue, so he doesn’t feel bad or inadequate for something that is out of his control.

    Lastly, sometimes it’s a relationship comfort issue. Like maybe there is some tension between you or some weirdness about communication that you could work through and if you get fully comfortable then the sex will get better. I have definitely experienced this sort of thing.

  5. 1. Younger guys can get pretty insecure about things like toys.

    2. Most women need clit stimulation and can’t cum from PIV sex alone.

    3. Bodies change over time.

    4. Communicate your needs.

    5. Don’t settle for a partner who doesn’t care about your pleasure as much as their own.

  6. At this point I think it’s on ur mind too much and too much thinking w sex can lead to un satisfaction. My suggestion is to smth spontaneous

  7. You could use toys ask him he could use it on you during or before maybe he likes it too? All you can do is ask or explore new things to keep it going during with out toys.

  8. You can always buy a toy and say it’s for when you miss him or when he’s busy etc then another time ask him if he wants to try use it on you x

  9. Communicate with him, what is he not doing that your other partners did? Try new positions, do a lot of foreplay, etc.

    Vibrators shouldn’t be an issue, but some guys do get insecure if you bring out a giant dildo or something. But I don’t see why a vibrator would be an issue. But still, communicate with him about it.

  10. I’m curious what he does or doesn’t do differently than your previous partners? As for the toys, explain that you would like to try them and see what he says. If he refuses and your sex isn’t great anyway, it might be time to move on.

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