Hey Reddit,
We’ve been together for 4 years now \[29M\] – \[34F\], and before we became a couple for a short while, she had good orgasms with me.
But since we had been together, she didn’t have orgasms from sex, only very rarely. Even if she did, she would always say that it was either “Almost” or not “All the way.” I could sense that there was no shaking, no getting wetter, no contractions, and no emotional change, mostly just a few seconds of her locking her legs and pressing really hard on me.
The thing is, she always sort of bragged about how she always used to orgasm with her exes multiple times and that she could “orgasm from anything.”
The first time we had sex, she told me that my penis felt a bit shorter than she was used to.
And for about 3 years, she always said:
1. she had stronger, multiple orgasms with her ex’s
2. she had orgasms everytime
3. that her ex had a bigger penis than mine
4. that they came together almost every time
But she still said that my penis feels better and that she enjoys sex with me a lot more, and that it’s not that I don’t make her orgasm but because sex with me is a lot more stimulating and it makes her too aroused very fast, and she “Loses it.”
One of the first times I gave her oral sex, she laughed and said, “What a baby.” now she says she was joking, but it didn’t feel like it.
For a very long time, she didn’t really listen to me saying that I felt bad about it and didn’t really cooperate with me to work together to solve this issue.
So, since I’ve been alone in this issue, I felt so insecure; it made me stop giving oral and fingering, too; even tho I tried to ask how to get better, she would just say I’m the best sex she’s had.
After a very long time, I confronted her about it for the millionth time, but I was really angry already, and she was surprised and said she didn’t know.
2 years have passed since that talk, and we’ve been talking about it so much, and there’s a new problem every time.
After a while, she started changing her story, saying she didn’t have good orgasms with her exes, that my penis was bigger than theirs, and that she had good orgasms with me.
Now, even when she says she orgasms, which happens really rarely, I can’t even tell; she looks exactly the same afterward, and there are no physical or emotional signs.
I feel I’ve lost trust in her; although I do trust her as a person, and I know she loves me, I can’t help but feel she’s either lying to make me feel better or she just “settled on sex” with me.
I’ve lost interest in sex. I can’t accept this situation where she just doesn’t orgasm with me, although she’s had all these “Multiple strong orgasms every sex,” and I’m somehow supposed to believe it doesn’t matter.
I mean, how can you suddenly, after 3 years and many conversations about it, say that I’m bigger and all those orgasms with her exes were not good?