She had previously broken up with me over text after three dates in January 2019 to pursue another guy she was seeing. Around April 2020, my lonely dumb ass asked if she’d be down for a walk as friends. We ended up getting back together, and she had always maintained it’s because we developed a genuine connection for the first time; I hadn’t put in any real effort to get to know her in 2019, etc.
I only just discovered that the primary reason she had dumped me the first time around is because she didn’t find me attractive, and likewise she got back with me mainly because to her surprise, I got hotter. In the meantime, she had been dumped by the two guys she had picked over me.
I’m still the only guy she went on 3+ dates with and subsequently dumped. It just hurts so much to know it was for a superficial reason, we got back together because of a superficial reason (for her) and she maintained this facade that it was solely about a newfound meaningful connection for so long.
Is it betrayal for someone to dump someone for the latter person’s looks and then 1.5 years later date that person because the person became good looking, all while maintaining a story with that person suggesting that the person just didn’t put in enough effort to get to know each other (the first time around)?
It especially hurts because I tried so hard with her in 2019, and she was practically impossible to get a word out of. And all these years I felt like a horrible person when really it was her not giving a shit about making an effort for the ugly guy she was with.
I’m angry and feel she doesn’t deserve to be with me after that. I may have been ugly but she wasn’t a beauty queen herself. Her standards were too damn high and how convenient my desperate loser self became good looking and saved the day after she was lonely and hurt from being dumped repeatedly.
I apologize if this is poorly written. I’m just high and feel like I want to die. I appreciate any genuine advice or support.
TL;DR: My [25M] girlfriend [26F] dumped me for my bad looks then dated me for my subsequent good looks all while pretending it was about the amount of effort I put into getting to know her.