I (31F) and my husband (30 M) have been together for 11 years, married for almost 5 in June and have two kids (11M) and (4M). We have had a pretty tumultuous relationship. We’ve always had a great friendship but both have had our own mental and financial struggles. We’ve gone through 2 long term affairs, both in his side, but I still decided to stay. This last affair had really taken its toll on us. He really struggled with happiness and what he wanted. He did fall in love with his AP. I (scared of losing my family) begged for him to stay and he reluctantly agreed. He did say though that he thought that it would be a bad idea and he didn’t think we’d get any better. But I still hoped for better. (Looking back it was a mistake). He struggled for a long time with letting his AP go and he still has times when he falls into a depression. When he does it causing a lot more issues with us because he is sad about that situation, so I get anger and unsupportive. While he was having his 2 year affair I also fell into a depression (he was not supportive either) and unfortunately made a huge financial hole for myself due to retail therapy. I never bought stuff for myself, it mainly was for him or the boys.
Fast forward to now. He’s completely withdrawn from me and unhappy. I try to engage in him but he normally very quiet. Only time he’s really affectionate is when he wants to have sex. And when I mention how it makes me feel, he just says “idk why you get upset, I told you it would be like this”. He always make comments about how bad our connection is and strained our marriage is and I tell him it hurts my feelings but he says he’s just telling the truth. He won’t leave because he says he’s sick of being the bad guy and ruining the family. I know he wants to separate but I don’t so he won’t do it. I have grown financially dependent on him. And our kids are extremely close to their dad. Idk what to do. A part of me wants to let him go but I terrified of being a single mother or my kids being affected. I also don’t know how I can support myself fully.
SN: I pay my bills and some joint bills. I just don’t have enough over to pay for rent for my own place.
I just want some advice if I do choose to let him go.