Okay…so I’m not sure how this works as it’s my very first time Posting something here. I’ve been confused about something and I hope you guys can help me. So here’s the thing. I’ve had this guy I work with 2 years ago when I was 24. We’ll call him Jason who’s 29 now. We work from home so we usually communicate via calls and messages. 2 years ago I met him at my work on the Google meet. He was really cranky and moody guy and i developed an immediate dislike towards him due to his rude behaviour towards me on the first day of my work. I had always kept a distance from him. Like I never communicated with him for almost a year. One evening I joined the Google meet and Jason was the only guy other thab me on the call and not to be rude i greeted him with a smile as I was happy that day. He seemed surprised but he greeted me back sweetly. That was the first time we spoke after a year. Soon after I get a call from him asking for a help for his other co-worker. Let me tell you guys. This guy is really helpful. I couldn’t help him with his other co-worker friend hence had to decline. I was being very polite and professional. But he didn’t hang up instead he kept talking to me nicely and making jokes making me laugh. I was already going through a hard time and he making me laugh was helping. Since that day he’d call me almost everyday talking about random stuffs. He’d help me with everything. He was the sweetest. He was sarcastic and rude but I was fine with it as long as he was respectful towards me which he was. I didn’t have any feelings for him until we happened to meet for the first time for a movie. We went for a movie and had lot’s of fun. I was genuinely happy with his friendship and had nothing else in my mind. My coworkers asked me about my day and I told them I went on a movie with Jason. This made Jason uncomfortable and he got nervous. His behaviour changed slightly and he started explaining me that he didn’t want other people knowing about us hanging out as he didn’t want anybody to link our names. I was a little surprised. We were just friends. Why is it a problem if people knew we were hanging out. He kept bringing up other topics and we forgot about that incident. After that we met few more times and in those meetings we got closer. I don’t know why I was suddenly starting to like him. I disliked him at first but my feelings were completely opposite now. He isn’t an emotional type. He is not my type. Infact he’s everything that I don’t prefer in a guy if I were dating yet I don’t know why I couldn’t resist wanting to talk to him and spend time with him. I have always been a closed book. I can’t open upto people. It’s hard for me to trust people. I’ve never felt this sort of feelings for any guy. But with Jason I felt….weirdly safe. Like he would say I love you in the most sincere way making me happy. I wanted to open up in front of him which no body can do so all this year’s. People have tried helping me…some tried taking advantage of me. But i never gave them a chance. But with Jason it was different. Soon the walls I had built for years started breaking in front of him and i started warming upto him, opening my heart out but he started getting distant. When I tried to share my feelings for him he simply looked uninterested and kept walking with an annoying look on his face. It hurt me but I tried to hide it. After that he said things like ..I don’t want to marry. I’m not into relationships. I was shocked. Because he’d say I love you. And even kissed me. Call me old school but I can’t go around kissing someone if I don’t have feelings for them. I explained him that I’m more into serious Stuffs and don’t believe in friends with benefits thing. I told him that we should probably never meet. It hurt me a lot but I knew things won’t work between us. It was a beginning and I knew I could still move on. I wanted to end whatever we had then and there. But he…he didn’t let me. He would always call me. Sometimes he’d show me soo much love and sometimes he’d not call for days. When we talk he falls asleep. He’d call as per his convenience. When I share something with him he’d never listen and seems bored. I hate it. So I try to get away from him by not answering his calls for days. But after a week or two end up answering the call as I miss him. Whenever our office plans and overnight outing Jason talks to other girls and seems really close to them but with me he’s cold and distant as if he doesn’t even like me. It hurts. A lot. I swear. I always try to get over him by not talking to him Or talking in a professional so he gets a hint I don’t wish to have anything to do with him but he somehow pulls me back. As if he knows me well. He is playing with my mind. I know the problem is with me. I should simply block him but I can’t. We work together and i cannot find such High paying job. Besides we have to partner up as we are in the same team so I cannot block him either. And I have become soo weak. I was never like this. It was easier to get detached to people as I never got this close to anyone. But .. with him. I’m not able to. I don’t know what to do. I have wrote everything in a letter and burned it. It didn’t help. Some say go and spend time with some other guy but I just can’t…I can’t open up to someone else again. I cant trust’ anyone again. I..just want to get rid of this feeling inside me and get move on from him. I don’t know what else to do ..