I am a really exhausted mom to a 15 month old, a wife and a daughter. I am an engineer by profession, things were great at office till the end of my pregnancy where I was closing up the project. It was during the 9th month the new project started, and I wasn’t much involved in those by a new manager in another country. I didn’t pay much attention since I was already exhausted and waiting for the maternity leave. My colleague utilized my pregnancy and long maternity leave of 5 months. We were having the same job roles and unfornately our ex-manager left the job in the beginning of my pregnancy and I took up the project to completion. When I returned from maternity leave, I could see all the bias, while I was struggling to maintain a work-life balance and mom guilt. A month later during the appraisal, he was promoted to the senior role which wanter atleast 6 to 7 years of experience but we were both having only 4 years of experience. He is a man, of the prefered language speaking community, and we are both expats here. I am not happy with the upper management decision on this, and still not happy there. The job is great, well paying and flexible which is holding me back from moving jobs at this stage of motherhood.
Coming to my personal life, am an introvert, not social, get bored easily, straight forward, very picky on each and every aspect and I doubt if I got OCD as well. I get triggered when things are not my way. To be short, my husband is exactly opposite, we are 5 years into marriage through an arranged marriage( arranged marriages are common in my country). I am in so much in love with him, but I cannot control my anger and often fight with him and he feels offended/off. Things were OK until the boy was born and my mom moved in with us to take care of the baby when I am working. He feels triggered even when I fight with her. He basically hates any conflicts at the house. I am trying hard, but cannot change a lot, but Ibelieve I have changed so much in the past 5 years. However, now things are not great in both m personal and professional life.
Apart from all this, since my mother is here, she is taking care of the household and child. I am happy for that, at teh same time I want to do everything, which cannot be done as I am working full time. When my mother wasnt here I had a full time maid since everything cannot be managed by muself and husband although he puts in equal efforts. He is a great dad too. How do I change myself as I am causing all the trouble and not being content and happy