My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, with plans to get married and save for a home, although we currently maintain separate residences. I relocated to be closer to her, moving 30 minutes away from my workplace. Previously, I lived in the city without a car, which necessitated her driving to see me. Anticipating we’d spend a lot of time at my place as we had before, I rented a large, luxury apartment. However, we ended up spending more time at her condo.
We’ve agreed I’ll move into her condo once my lease is up, as we continue to primarily stay at her place. We’ve reached some agreements, such as moving my furniture into her condo, and my cat has essentially made it her home too. Nonetheless, when my girlfriend becomes upset, her attitude towards me staying at her place fluctuates—mostly, she is welcoming, and other times, she uses it as leverage during conflicts.
She tells me to take my belongings and move out, and calls me a parasite, accusing me of being financially dependent on her. This situation is quite stressful and unsettling for me. Despite earning twice as much as my girlfriend, I face accusations of financial dependency, which adds significant stress about expenses.
She points out that I’ll never be able to save enough for a house and frequently mentions that I don’t contribute for rent or utilities. But she forgets my other expenses, such as how, just the other day, I purchased her a business ticket worth about 4 months of her mortgage. She criticizes my spending habits, even for essential expenses like medication, meals during work, or when I need to work from a coffee shop. This creates a challenging environment where financial contributions and personal spending become sources of contention rather than cooperative discussion.
I’ve tried to address these issues openly and constructively, pointing out that most of our decisions have been made jointly. I’ve explained how it was essentially her decision that I continue to lease my apartment. I am scheduled to move in with her in the next few days, and we’ve agreed to have a joint account to minimize this type of financial contention. I’d appreciate any perspectives or advice.