Just wanted to know if anyone has any insight on this.
I do have some close friends, and whenever I get to know someone new I do sometimes feel like there is a foundation for a future friendship. But the thing is, because of my lack of self esteem and feeling of low self worth, I always retreat in fear of being perceived as desperate or pushy. Or my imposter syndrome kicks in.
I grew up pretty isolated and depressed, and it has kind of messed up my natural instincts when it comes to social cues. It’s just gotten worse the older I get (I’m 32), sometimes to the point where I think I may be on the autistic spectre (I do have ADHD, and I score low on autism tests). My social anxiety doesn’t exactly help, but I’m aware that it is just my brain sending adrenaline to try and help me out of “danger” and I’m currently working on it.
But this feels very embarrassing, as I don’t know if I should listen to my intuition when I want to reach out or invite someone to hang out. I don’t bombard people with messages (maybe send something once a week, and this is to my closest friends), but I still feel like I’m being too clingy and desperate. Like I can’t even send a snap or a meme in fear of being “too much”. Which is a little odd as my friends messages me three times as often, but I still feel anxious whenever I do it.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this, sometimes it helps to just hear other people’s experiences and thoughts.