I recently lost my virginity and had also a slight wild phase. Recently being 2023 at 24; inspite me trying to get past my anxiety by having different experiences ( no more than seven people and all spaced out) I am still very anxious during the act of sex. I literally freeze
My vaginal walls seem to contract and reject a lot as well. I was a victim of sexual assault ( not rape so it was an attempt to take virginity which was unsuccessful) Twice and I was also molested as a child, in my repressed memory my brother fingered me when I was five years old.
I feel so embarrassed about my lack of ability to perform and I’m also uncomfortable in my skin. I have dermatilomania so I compulsively pick. Also I think I’m a bit heavy I’m 214 pounds. I get very overwhelmed when trying to get into positions.
I used to masturbate a lot and watch porn often as well. I don’t know if that skewed my perspective.
I’ve also never owned lingerie. How do I gain confidence in my sexuality without wilding out further. I’m also bipolar so I don’t want to encourage my hypersexual tendancies.