I’ve been with this man for 6 years and I genuinely love him and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought this was where we were at and the feelings were mutual but now I’m feeling all sorts of confused.
Sorry for the big wall of text, the background bit is important, I feel like.
tldr; My fiance said I should lose weight to become attractive and that I’m just upset about this because of all the “drama” I went through during my childhood.
As a background, I was THE fat kid. I spent my childhood being obese and teased about it until I started high school and went from 220 lbs to 125 lbs in 2 years. It wasn’t easy, had me vomiting after every meal but I was beautiful and happy.
Well, that didn’t last long, after a family intervention and a few locked bathroom doors I managed to learn to eat again and unfortunately became 185 lbs AGAIN. And then another diet, a few pounds gone and back… etc. etc. My fiance knows all about this.
When I met my partner I was 145 lbs and 5’5″ and pretty happy about myself. I wasn’t gaining or losing weight for years and mentally, I was in a good place about my body. I was a student when we met and now I’m working an office job, spending my days sitting and stressing, I gained 15 lbs in 4 years. I’m still happy -all of my old clothes fit (a bit snug though I can’t lie), look and feel good.
My fiance would always tease me about my chub, like grabbing my tummy or pinching my fat and I was okay with that; it was cute. But a few weeks ago, he grabbed my stomach after eating dinner and asked me “When are you going to lose weight?”
I thought he was joking so I laughed it off but the next day he said “you have a tummy now. you should exercise” so I understood he was serious, and it stung a bit but we had a chat and he assured me he thinks I’m beautiful but just wants me to be healthy.
So overall, I told him to be kinder, he apologized and I thought we were done.
Well, apparently not, because he kept repeating the same comments more frequently and honestly he was getting a bit mean. He would grab my stomach until it hurt and be short at me “Exercise, stop laying down”
I don’t want to make excuses but I leave for work at 7am and come back at 9pm because of my commute and I’m mostly responsible for the housework. I’m tired and I don’t want to exercise. I walk for 40 minutes everyday during my lunch break and I’m fine with that.
He exercises daily and cares about what he eats a lot and that’s good for him but I don’t want to come home, tidy around, exercise, shower, and sleep, rinse and repeat. I want to lay down on my goddamn bed, read my damn fanfiction or play some game and sleep.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it, I snapped back and after poking at the issue enough he said “I honestly just want you to be healthier but yes it would help to make you attractive too”
Well, now I had my real answer to why we weren’t having intimacy lately too so, I’m honestly devastated. For 2 years we weren’t having sex as frequently as before (from twice a week to once a month to once in 2 months) and while he didn’t say it’s the reason, I believe my gaining weight killed his attraction.
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I’m not mad at him; he has every right to be not attracted to me, so I don’t want an apology, but I’m just devastated. I also feel weirded out because honestly, my body didn’t change that much -if I’m not delusional-, I just got older a little but honestly, I don’t look that much fatter than before. I remember 4 years ago, he suddenly gained around 30 lbs and then started to work out and I always assured him how hot I still found him and how much I love him, and now, I feel like I’m being wronged. And stupid.
I wanted to ask for advice here because well, my friends are full on “omg girl!!! you’re gorgeous! screw him!” and I know it’s not the reality of this world, though I appreciate it.
Currently, we’re not talking because he thinks I was being dramatic about my reaction and he even said “even my friend said you’d look pretty if you exercised” and “you’re just being like this because of all the drama you went through in your childhood”
And for me, I just don’t know what to say. We live together so it’s awkward and I’m getting tired of all of this.
I still love him. I hope he does too but I don’t even know how should I react or feel about this. I’d even appreciate a “you’re delusional 15lbs is huge go exercising” or anything at this point. If I were to breach this subject again, what should I do?