**F25 and M34**
we’ve always been constant with sex and when we started dating (2 years ago), we were “hotter”, fresher, skinnier, etc. we both have depression and we’ve always been in a bad place, fluctuating but we really struggle with ourselves. lately he’s been upset about his looks, himself and really tired of work and his band. i don’t work (can’t find a job + struggling very much with doing my own stuff) so i have a lot of free time and i’m not as tired as him.
also: we agreed on a monogamous relationship because of him, he’s my first serious partner and i wanted an open relationship even though i know they’re difficult and i was comfortable with being exclusive with him, but now that i don’t have that i feel like shit.
i of course understand him and support him, but i’m a very sexual person and my drive is always high. he’s the most handsome for me and is the only one who can turn me up as much as him – but now i feel like having sex with someone else just because he can’t do it, he struggles with getting horny and etc. i have a lot of kinks and i couldn’t explore very much with him, and i’m craving for sex and i can’t stop masturbating and it becomes gross because i watch porn and i feel super disgusted about myself, but at least want to experiment a bit with bondage for example
i don’t want to cheat on him. i already flirt with one or two guys sometimes but i don’t even want to take it further because i want HIM, but not having sex is making me really upset. i feel disconnected and undesirable. i would felt terribly wrong if i have sex with another guy.
we talked about this situation but i don’t want to push him at all, i don’t feel that constantly talking about it will help, i think he’ll only get worse
please give me some advice if you experienced this ;\_;
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**TL;DR: we’re not having sex and i don’t want to cheat on him but i’m going crazy and feeling like shit**