I’m a 23F and my boyfriend is a 24M. We’ve been together for 6 years (7 in August) and honestly I don’t know what to do and would love some advice.
In March he went to Miami on a boys trip for spring break with his brothers and friends, I wasn’t 100% comfortable just because I’ve heard the stories of what Miami is like especially on spring break. Luckily it was okay, he didn’t do anything and was loyal and he came back and everything was fine. The trip strained him a lot financially, and we had both decided that if he was going to go on another trip he would need to go when he was in a better financial position.
From then, he recently sold his car and upgraded for a brand new car which he can afford but still has a large amount of outgoings as his rent to his mum come to £800 monthly. But with his job, he is able to get by, and can pay his car every month and then his rent and some extra money as well. Recently his uncle passed away, and his mum is demanding that they all take a trip to Jamaica in order to attend the funeral of his uncle. He explained to his mum that he might not be able to go for long, maybe just the funeral and a few days after to which she started arguing with him. She started saying how comes he is able to take me out to dinner and buy me birthday gifts (he bought me a pair of Hermes slides for my birthday LAST year) and bringing up that he needs to be there to support his family. I thought it was a bit weird to bring up things he does for me when he does so much for her, especially as she leans on him a lot financially (on top of the £800 rent he pays to her each month) even though he has an older sibling who lives at home (32M) who has no intention of leaving home or buying a home and also another brother 23M.
I told my boyfriend that I would help him finance the ticket to the Caribbean, to which is was reluctant to agree. But I told him if anything he can pay me back if the issue is about him taking money from me. We then eventually agreed and that was that. However since that conversation things have taken a drastic turn. His brother (23M) who he recently went to Miami on spring break with wants to go to New York, then Jamaica (for 2 days for the funeral) and then back to Miami for a holiday. My boyfriend’s mum has asked for them to not do this and just simply fly to Jamaica, however they’re planning on doing this. I have heavily advised against my boyfriend doing this, because why do this extra trip when 1- you’re going for a funeral not a holiday and your mum has asked you to support her and 2- money is tight as it is! When we talk about it, he just says he’s gonna see and if he goes he goes. Just so it’s clear, I think he should just go directly to Jamaica for the funeral.
Well today everything kind of hit the fan when we spoke, and he basically said to me that he’s got a lot to pay for and if he has to do whatever he has to do to get the money then he will. I was so confused and we kind of went back and forth for him to clear up what he means, and he ended up saying that if he needs to cut me off forever in order to get the money then he will and our relationship will be over. I was so taken aback because what the hell does that even mean, and is almost 7 years that easy to throw away with someone? I even said so you would be willing to end everything and he said if that’s what it takes then that’s what it takes.
I have a large age gap between myself and my siblings, so maybe that’s why I don’t get it but I don’t get why he can’t just tell his brother no and fly straight to Jamaica, even with Miami he didn’t really wanna go but went because his brother (23M) begged him to go and he didn’t wanna say no. But when I have asked him about going on holiday for my birthday, he said that we could but it would all depend on what his money situation is closer to the time, but with his friends/brothers it’s never an issue.
It may sound stupid but I really don’t know what to do, after the talk today he said that by the 25th he would make his decision depending on what money is saying about us being today and if we end it. My friends have said to just end it, because it’s unfair on me. I really do love him with all my heart but it just makes me feel that if he’s really willing to end it on this then how much does he actually really like/love me? Also, i forgot to add that even when it comes to dates and is going out, sometimes it’s a bit of struggle, and sometimes we don’t go out because of money (so I pay sometimes so it doesn’t feel so much of a financial burden) and also sometimes because he doesn’t wanna do things but when his friends ask him to go out he’ll go. When I ask him to go places it’s just a lot more work and a lot more excuses as to why he can’t. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me to why he doesn’t want to hang out with me or if I’m just too annoying maybe and not as fun.
Also sorry just for context, with his friendship group his brother is in the friendship group so when he goes out with his friends his brother is always there and boys trips as well. I also have supported him heavily financially throughout the 7 years, helping him pay rent, buy food and also recently with purchasing his new car. But thank you guys for reading and any advice would be so helpful and I’m also so embarrassed I’m even in this situation.
TL;DR My boyfriend of almost 7 years is willing to call it quits on us because of wanting to go on a trip that he cannot afford which I do not think he should go on at all.