Hello Guys!!
So lately I have been feeling a bit weird around my friends and I cant shake off that feeling. I dont know if they are doing something wrong or if ive seen evidence of toxicity maybe manipulation or jealousy, but something for me is off..
I havent been doing well in my life since covid started ( mostly at university)
Maybe they are fine people or genuine… But here is the thing for me, for the people in my life I would sacrifice my self and I will go out of my way to make them comfortable and wish the best for them and always act (when it involves me and them) with there best interest in mind and even sometimes undermining my own.
But when it comes to receiving back that energy its like I am getting nothing back or very little which can feel a bit draining at times .
First I am reallly into spirituallity meditations and stuff.. And I am find myself talking to them a lot about love, self improvement and always making sure that they are good people and that they dont sin( not forcing anything just advices and support). I do that because I consider myself to be more mature in some fields of life and what I have , I try to share it with them.. but I feel to an extend that its one way.
Sometimes I feel my intelligence is undermined and that I dont get back genuine advices or support that will help me nourish and grow.
I will give you two examples:
As I said I am into spirituallity, and also I am interested in psychedelics( shrooms, san pedro that kind of plants) in the way that they interact with the soul and I would like to explore that. when I shared this with my friends they would tell me to get off or that I will lose my mind and its like they dont accept that part of me like its weird to be into this kind of stuff or taboo idk.
I went from feeling that I want to explore myself and evolve to second guessing my self and that maybe i am doing something wrong just because they told me and i value there opinion.
Second example there was a freelancer photographer that liked me and told me to take a couple of shots with some clothes that he had from a company(underwear) and also maybe experiment with more nsfw photos if id liked…( I am not a model or anything I study Sciences but you never know in life) When I told that to one of my friends he legit didnt tell me one positive comment about my encounter with the photographer and instead told me that the photographer maybe wanted to take naked pictures of me and that he keeps a folder in his pc and naked people and jerks of to or smthin like that.
And at that momment and before I shook it off I went from feeling that maybe I got a couple of good shots that I maybe use in the future or generate a bit of income to feeling that I was used in a way and not in a good way.
Of course if I spend time alone I can align with myself again and know who I truly am without the influence.
I find that they often shadow my light in a way idk or drain from it.
find that my friends alter or influence negatively my perspective on things sometimes.
I could be wrong but I need help
Its really a part of my life my friends and I really dont know how to approach these
Also when I hear a close person opinions it tends to have an effect on me no matter if its stupid ungenuine or whatever because I value the person to an extend I will take it in mind.
Here is some informations about my situation guys…I appreciate readding through the long post…
If you guys have any advice on what to do..or maybe how to identify the true friends from the fakes one please..
It would really really mean a lot me thank youu guys!!
All the love!!
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