Hi,
so my [28M] girlfriend [27F] and I had a fight today, and I’m questioning whether I’m being unreasonable.
Yesterday, when my girlfriend walked home from a meetup with friends, a guy started talking to her. He randomly approached her, started up a conversation and asked for her number. She gave the number to him and said they “could do something but only as friends”.
Afterwards, she felt bad and told me about it. I was shocked. To me it is obvious he was interested in her and not just as friends. I walked away for 2-3 min to gather myself, came back and told her I felt extremely hurt. She said she understood and that although she doesn’t think she did anything that wrong she will not write to him. I calmed down, decided to let it go and we had a nice evening.
Today, my girlfriend came to me and said she talked with a friend and they agreed she shouldn’t have to restrict her life because of my insecurities. That it was a wonderful thing, she was able to make a friend “naturally” (in real life) and I should be happy for her. Thus, when the guy wrote her this morning and asked if she wanted to do something (I also anxiously write all my friends immediately in the morning /s), she replied “Today I am doing something with my boyfriend, but next week we can do something together with my friends.”. For her, everything is fine, because she mentioned me and this, to her, was more than considerate enough.
I have a problem with this for mainly two reasons. First, just yesterday we agreed she wouldn’t write him. She decided otherwise by herself and just went through with it. And obviously, she didn’t text him and explained what we had discussed to him before. Second, even if she thinks I am unreasonable, I felt that she saw how extremely hurt I was, and, in my opinion, should have just let it go. In the end, it’s a random person she met on the street. I am not asking her to not meet a friend.
So now we had a big fight about it today too. She said that what I’m saying is unreasonable (I said that you don’t randomly start to talk to people of the opposite sex on the street to become friends. Especially not with a prepared line out of the blue).That she said “as friends” so now it is not her responsibility if he didnt get the message. And that I should just trust her, no matter what the situation is. That I don’t, shows my insecurity.
I explained to her that I think she is an intelligent woman and I trust her, but I don’t want to have to trust him. I said that it made me extremely uncomfortable and also made me feel disrespected. That I would never give my number to a woman that chatted me up on the street. (Which happened just last week). And that, even if she thinks I am being unreasonable, I would have expected her to just let it go for me. As I have let things go in the past for her, that I feel were similar and unreasonable. At the very least, she should have talked to me about it before writing him, even if it was just to let me know.
In the end we basically agreed to disagree.
I love her and I trust her not to cheat. The past year was an up and down, but that was always the bottom line. But since we agreed to disagree, I am feeling disrespected and unimportant to her. I simply feel like she doesn’t care for my feelings.
Could you please explain why or why not you think I am being unreasonable? How would you approach the situation?
[**tl;dr**] : My girlfriend gave her number to a guy that chatted her up on the street. She insists on going out with him and that it is okay because she said to him she will only go out with him as friends. I feel very uncomfortable and disrespected.
Am I being unreasonable ? How would you approach the situation?