My wife almost never initiates and when i do she sometimes mention things like cleaning and the dishes and helping her clean… like an ultimatum, “we can have sex if you clean the kitchen.”
The kitchen isnt even that dirty but the kids do a number on the house. Kids just love to leave things laying around, toys etc.
So im frustrated hence why im here venting and iv also had this convo with her before and ive seen a change in that timeframe but now its like back to square one, she doesnt initiate but there were time she would lay beside me and id have to seduce her and tell her all sorts of things.
Id really just love for her to initiate sometimes and wear something sexy, usually its either she just getting out of bed or she comes to see me or talk abt something and ill initiate if there isnt anything urgent to do, very few times she has teased me, eg kiss my private or suck it for a second then totally ditch me, saying she has things to do and i absolutely hate that, id much rather she not touch me at all if thats her plan. When she does this though she doesnt come back at any point to finish what she started, not days later, so here i am in my frustration writing this for suggestions or anything that can help this situation, i have a higher temper and less tolerance in my current state, now i feel like (as ive told her before) i may want a side chick, im not really up for leaving my wife but a side chick would bring some balance im thinking, really just a casual sex partner, id be more happy around wifey that way, im not up for cheating so she would obviously know but im sure she wouldnt approve of a side chick… who would?
Anything thanks in advance for anything helpful
11 comments
Do you take her out on dates?
Are you helping with chores and the kids? Are you appreciating her work and that she cares? Having a date night or something like that?
I don’t bang if they give ultimatum!
It sounds like she needs more help. When asked if you help you say yes of course but I work 24/7.
It sounds like you don’t put much effort in. The top comment is gold, where they ask about date nights and you say no, but if we did who should be responsible for setting that up?
You TOLD her you want a side chick?
I would be doing everything in my power to make you as miserable as you make me too. Good luck OP
Is she still attracted to you? Are you leading the family?
8 months ago you posted about her having an emotional affair. Pretty obvious at this point she’s checked out. Wanting a side chick after she had an affair.. try to see the other side of that. You guys should probably just get a divorce at this point.
Okay, I’ve read through all of your stuff here, and I think there’s a pretty serious problem. The sex and lack thereof is a symptom.
It sounds to me like you expect your wife to take care of you and everything and that you chip in or help. It doesn’t sound like you actually take care of her or meet her needs in any real way. You expect her to take care of yours, though.
Her having an emotional affairikely means that she wasn’t getting her needs met and turned to somebody else for that. Now you’re talking about doing that with a side piece that you would literally only use for sex. So, you wouldn’t be meeting that side piece’s emotional needs at all, either.
It seems pretty clear from what you’re writing that you don’t really respect women as actual people with actual needs. Your job sounds a lot more important, and your sexual needs are the only ones that apparently matter to you. Have you even bothered asking your wife what she wants? What she likes? Sex isn’t over when you come, by the way. It’s over when both of you do. How often do you do that?
If you’re basically treating your wife like an employee and like you’re her manager, that’s not sexy.You’re not going to be somebody she wants to have sex with if you’re basically treating her like that. Women take longer to get in the mood usually, so when she tells you that she needs help around the house, believe her. If she’s completely and thoroughly exhausted every single day from everything else and her job and whatever, adding in you not actually caring about her as a person doesn’t make her want to get even more tired by having sex. You have to make her want to have sex with you. That means meeting her emotional needs, her physical needs, all of it. Woo her, date her, remind each other why you got married.
I get that you’re frustrated. I would put money on it that your wife is, too. You having a physical affair at this point would be the end of the marriage. If you don’t want to be married to her anymore, get the divorce. If your job is more important to you and you just want to have sex whenever you want and not actually have a relationship, get the divorce.
Have you tried helping her without you asking? She’s probably extremely exhausted, emotionally neglected and feeling overwhelmed. Help her clean, bring home diner, give the kids a bath, rub her ever lovin back.
Oh lord. Dude. Help with shit before she asks. Help her with the mess. Help her with the kids. __Without. Being. Asked.__
Then, ask her about the mental load of the house. Cause my guess is she’s not only wanting help with the physical aspects of the house but she’s also busy being a human calendar, appointment maker, budgeter, family therapist, task manager.. with a plethora of other “unseen” jobs as well.
Be realistic and grow up. Do your part.
I don’t believe a word you say, as you sit here playing the victim. Stating multiple times that you work 24/7 yet you also claim to help with the kids, cook, make kids lunches, etc is bullshit.
I’m going to guess that your “working 24/7” is you sitting around playing video games while waiting for an issue to arise at work that needs your attention. Am I close?
How about instead of a side chick a housekeeper that’ll come once, twice a week, or bi weekly? I usually don’t feel comfortable getting it on in my home if it’s not completely clean 😅