My bf (19M) and I (19F) have been together for two years, but recently I’m having doubts about our relationship. I don’t have anyone I can ask about this in my life so I’m hoping Reddit can provide some advice ! 🙂
I love my bf and he treats me SO well but I find it hard to see a future with him and I don’t know wether to keep pursuing the relationship, or if it is time to move on. We were both each others first everything. And I mean EVERYTHING, first relationship, first kiss, we took each others virginity etc. And sometimes I feel trapped with him because of that. We started dating in highschool, so we did a lot of growing up together, but now it feels like we’re growing apart.
After highschool, he begun work in construction to help provide for his (very large) family as his dad passed away shortly beforehand. He loves his job, makes good money (which he is very generous with, which is really nice to have as a broke college student), and has expressed to me that he plans on being a labourer with that company his whole life until he retires. He has plans to one day settle down and buy a house etc. However, I currently attend university 500km away from our shared hometown. 1/2 years of our relationship has been long distance, and there will be many more to come as I plan to attend grad school abroad and I want to work in a highly demanding field that will require me to travel frequently and he must remain in our hometown for his job. I also have no aspirations to ever “settle down” in one particular city or own a house etc. His path for life just feels more domestic and solid than mine.
We haven’t had any fights about this (we rarely ever disagree), but he doesn’t seem to understand the stress that it will have on our relationship, and that his career limits him from “following me around” (his words), like he wants to and serious conversations are difficult to have, as he often just shuts down and won’t talk. Whenever I try to discuss it , he just goes on about this idea that eventually I’ll be earning enough for him to retire early and we can live off a single income, but that feels like a massive commitment to make when we are so young (and also feels lowkey uncomfortable to put all that pressure on me). I’m sure a life-time relationship could be possible if we really worked hard at it, however I don’t think I would be willing to make the sacrifices to my career that would be necessary.
There is other issues aswell. I can’t pretend like long distance is easy. I often finding myself looking or thinking about other guys and what it would like to be with someone who actually went to my Uni or lived closer. Especially being so young I feel like I am missing out on so many opportunities, like I’m limiting myself, or like I am trapped. I feel really guilty about it, but at times he feels completely removed from my life apart from the few times he’ll DoorDash me dinner. And it’s not like I’m unhappy in the relationship, but I wouldn’t say I’m overwhelmingly happy either, just kind of neutral. He is a great guy to hang out with, but I feel like that the relationship isn’t exciting, or the spark is gone and I am growing away from him.
There’s also other little things about our relationship that are annoying, or cause minor issues that could be resolved easily, I just can’t help and feel like it isn’t really worth it if we are on such different paths already. We are fundamentally a good couple, and I worry I won’t find anyone who treats me this well. But as I mentioned my career is everything to me, and I would be happier with someone who fit my lifestyle better. Is it worth working through the inevitable roadblocks even if we’re likely to fail in the end, or should I venture out and find a better match and make the most of my youth?