We have been together over 5 years and married for 4 months. We also have an infant daughter. His good friend is getting married and he sort of casually mentioned the bachelor party a couple months ago. I assumed it was going to be where they’re from and where the wedding is and when I mentioned it maybe a month after he brought it up he said no it’s in Miami. Ok.he was never super detailed and avoided speaking about it much.
I don’t really agree with the whole idea of bachelor parties but he acts like I’m the only one of his friends spouses who might even think twice. The only thing I mentioned was that it wasn’t the best time because I’m back from maternity leave and he is caring for the baby while he is on leave. He did suggest a backup plan of asking a relative to come by (I work at home) but we also have a young dog that goes crazy when new people are around and I would spend the whole time listening to him bark or dealing with him. Also, the baby can’t go anywhere else because she refuses a bottle.
So he never asked but made the plan and I didn’t protest because I’m made to look like the only one who cares about this sort of thing. Also he told me last minute he was leaving Wednesday and not Thursday, leaving me down another work day. He acted like it was a mistake but I’m not sure.
Anyway, the second day he was gone I had to call him for something related to a contractor. He called me the night before and connection was terrible. Well the phone rings and it’s not the same ring as usual. So I look it up and that is the ring used when you are in Europe or South America. Ok so I investigate to get facts before I ask. I check and his passport is gone. In his email on our laptop there is a booking confirmation from Miami to Medellin, Colombia made over 2 months ago.
So I text and ask if he he is in Miami. I should have just waited but I’m too impatient and I tell him that’s the last time he will lie to me. He gets back to me and tells me he was just told to bring his passport and he didn’t plan anything. He already tried to set this lie up before he left by telling me he was told there were a lot of surprises but never said anything about a passport. Well obviously it is all a lie because it was booked months ago by him. So I press and he still doesn’t admit it. But I tell him I know the truth, cuss him out and ignore him. On top of all of that, he stays there still doing whatever he is doing.
Oh and it’s Mother’s Day weekend and I just get a text that says happy Mother’s Day and there is something in the mail (there’s not). I still mostly ignore him. Of course I am furious. Obviously he lied because of what happens down there. He could have been doing the same in Miami though but felt needed to lie. He kept saying he’s just dancing with no one and showing everyone his ring when they try to speak to him. I don’t believe it for a minute.
There were red flags before and a history of mis trust on his part and besides having my daughter my biggest regret is not leaving him then. I now feel like I am stuck for my daughters sake and don’t know what to do. He comes home today. I don’t want to be here but I need him to be with the baby so I can work and I know he won’t leave either. So do I just pretend I’m not absolutely disgusted at the sight of him for her sake?
TLDR:
Husband said he was going to Miami for a bachelor party and I found out he went to Colombia. We have a new baby and I feel stuck.
Edit to add paragraphs.
Edit: just to be clear it was his plane ticket that was booked by him over 2 months ago. It was a best man or grooms men that planned the entire thing. Still a liar regardless but I think it came across as if he booked the whole thing and not just his plane ticket.