I ’40F’ have dated my boyfriend ’40M’for 3 years now. We met after we had both divorced our exs. I love this man with every fibre of my body. I know he loves me too.
His divorce was messy, ex-wife was a serial cheater and last year he found out through DNA that his 6 year old daughter is not his biological kid. He was devasted to say the least. He is still dealing with the loss and had to go for therapy.
Having a kid is very much on the cards for him. He, however, just got admitted for his PhD at a good university in the US but has to do a two-year course before starting his PhD. In total, he’ll be in school for 7 years. This is something he wants to do more than anything. The prospect of how our lives could change after his PhD being the biggest motivation. I agree with that.
This is my dilemma, I want very much to settle and start a family with him. My window of having a child is closing fast. I honestly cannot wait for him to finish his education for us to settle. He has said enough times that he cannot wait for us to settle and have kids so he can be a father again. But he cannot have kids now as 1,he’s still recovering from the loss of his daughter and 2, not going back to school is not even an option for him.
I will definitely not be able to give him kids after his PhD and I cannot force him to have kids now. He is willing to give up not having kids in the event that I don’t conceive. This for me is a huge sacrifice that I cannot live with. I have tried to paint the picture for him on why it’s important for us to have a kid now but unfortunately he is not budging.
This relationship has been life changing for me, I never knew love until I met this man and would be crashed if it ended but what options do I have?
I’m in a very difficult situation, the idea of getting a kid later in my 40s or ending the relationship is tearing me apart! I’m lost and would love to hear your advise.
TL;DR – boyfriend wants a child after his PhD and we are both in our 40’s. Program is 7 years long. I don’t want to breakup with him or have kids at advanced age.
What is the best option?