My parents are rageaholics and idk what to do
I’m American (26M) living with my wife in Japan (28F). Due to our unique situations we often do about 5-8 months ldr currently. December 2023, my dad booked a trip to visit us in Japan landing in December. I was not consulted on the dates so this
1. Spoiled my homecoming with my fiancé at the time and 2. Was the day BEFORE I landed buying my fiancé to pick him up before ever being introduced.
During the trip 3 key events triggered his episode. 1. I mentioned it was inconsiderate to not consult us when planning travel. 2. I asked him to stop discussing politics with my fiancés boss at a work event when it was getting heated (my parents are very pro-Trump) 3. And I didn’t ask him if he wanted a sandwich when all three of us were at the convenience store and instead bought one for my fiancé (I apologized for this). This triggered his episode which led to him calling my fiancé fat, a mooch, a gold digger, and myself a spoiled brat (with multiple expletives). After that I asked him to leave our home and he booked an early flight home. And my mom blocked my wife on FB.
Fast forward to last week. My mom booked a flight. And like deja vu it spoiled a 3 month homecoming and was also the day before I landed buying my wife to once again pick her up at the airport. My wife now visibly frustrated exchanged pleasantries but did not go out of her way to host as we are also moving this week to CA. Throughout the week my mother also told me and my wife it was a woman’s duty to follow her man, an Asian woman should be an easy diversity hire in the states, often confused Japanese with Chinese or Korean in conversation, forbid us from living in Asia again, entered our room when my wife was sleeping at 5AM, talked very loudly during my wife’s WFH meeting and the weirdest, hopped into bed with me when I was napping, even using my wife’s pillow. My wife was frustrated and began acting distant which triggered my mothers episode which led to my wife being called a B**ch, hoarder, immature horrible person. So we asked her to leave our house and she hopped on a plane and left. And she blocked my wife on FB again.
Both my parents are now playing the victim and saying they would never kick us out of the house and family doesn’t do that. And told me to have a nice life and not ask for help.
I just wanted to share my story. Im broken but feel free. I was never hit or abused as a kid. But I was always controlled by guilt and fear of a rage episode. This is really the first time I’ve ever stood up against their bad behavior. And I love that my wife gave me the courage and agency to do it.
TL;DR: my parents are rage-oholics and have called my wife multiple horrible names. I finally stood up for her and myself and got told to “have a nice life”