I just feel like I’m going crazy and I need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years.
I will try and give as much relevant background as possible so people can fairly weigh in.
I (23M) am a law school student, and I lost a decent amount of weight and muscle during finals season.
Today, my girlfriend (25F) showed me a topless picture of myself from when I had gained a lot of muscle from hitting the gym, and was sort of lamenting that she missed how I looked. It kind of stung, especially when she knows all I have been through with the stresses of finals and school.
As some background, I have always struggled to gain weight (started at about 145 at the beginning of our relationship. I am just over 6ft). My girlfriend continually voiced her wanting me to gain weight, and I continually failed to form a regular gym schedule for quite a while. This one is completely on me. But last year, I forced myself to eat WAY more and began exercising more regularly. By winter break, I got to 160 pounds and it was a big accomplishment for me.
Unfortunately, I basically lost 7-10 pounds during second semester law school finals (just finished thank God). For those who don’t know law school finals are no joke, and you really need to start working your ass off from about a month out at a minimum. I spent every hour I wasn’t at school or commuting at my desk studying and making outlines. Especially during the last few weeks, I began taking my ADHD medication almost every day. (This can also contribute to weight loss). She knows all of this. She also knows I’m working so hard to give us a better future.
For someone who is already skinny and has almost 0 body fat, 7-10 pounds is really noticeable – especially in my chest and arms.
When she lamented on my past figure, this honestly really stung since I’ve been really unhappy about it myself. Since I’m applying to law-related summer jobs basically every waking hour I’m not spending time doing activities with her, I still haven’t had the time to go to the gym.
When we walked the dog after dinner, she commented on my posture. It admittedly sucks I look like a less extreme version of the “golden ratio” or whatever. She has also been telling this t me for forever, but I just can’t get the good posture to stick. I think it’s fair that she’s really pissed about repeatedly telling me this for 3 years.
I jokingly asked why she’s being so mean today, and she asked for examples.
When I brought up the issue with the picture, I told her that “it made me feel not so good”. While I didn’t expect an apology, she refused to really even acknowledge why this would hurt my feelings, and instead brought up that she was mad to see me lose some progress. I told her to put herself in my shoes, and we continued to have this back and forth for about another 10 minutes or so until we got home. Finally, she said she was sorry – in what came across as a really half assed and not heartfelt apology.
When I mentioned that her apology didn’t mean much when she argued with me about it for 10 minutes, she got mad at me.
I tried to explain that all I wanted was for her to be a little more light-handed with her wanting me to gain weight, but that her “apologizing” so late and half-assed just made me hurt more. She wouldn’t even acknowledge that her apology was late.
I tried putting her in my shoes by saying what if she gained weight and I started lamenting over her past skinner version. She then got even more mad since she says I ask her to “put herself in my shoes” during every argument. I guess I do.
It took her 30 minutes of arguing for her to admit that her apology was late. She says that she was still mad about my posture and wasn’t thinking clearly or something along those lines.
To me – with both the apology and the argument about the apology – it feels like she was just refusing to admit any wrongdoing, even when I think she knew “what she did wrong” (from my perspective). I told her this, and she got even more mad at me.
Am I just being sensitive here? Was I just arguing about something dumb like she seems to think?
I just wanted to feel heard, and for her to acknowledge that she could have been nicer.
Please rip some sense into me if I’m just being dumb.