Wondering what an appropriate co-parenting divorced relationship should look like between my boyfriend and his ex wife who share an adult daughter in college. Him and I have been together almost two years and she and him have a history of over 25 years.
Without getting into it too much, I feel as though he assumes a caregiver role for his ex because she’s so dysfunctional (she has BPD).
They’ve been separated 5 years and are in the process of a divorce. He says he keeps things so amicable with her because she makes him look bad to his daughter if she doesn’t get everything she wants beck and call and he’s also scared she’ll make the divorce nasty if he doesn’t keep her happy.
This includes dropping everything to take care of their dog, paying all bills without her ever having to look at anything, arranging all travel plans for the family when they go on trips or even when she goes on a solo trip with their daughter, just pretty much doing everything for her that I believe she is perfectly capable of doing herself-just doesn’t want to because she’s used to having him do everything.
I’m just wondering: What I can fairly ask him to set boundaries with her on considering they had a 20 year marriage and share a child together? I don’t expect him to hate her or cut her out of his life since they do share a child.
TLDR: what does an appropriate relationship look like for a divorced couple who share and adult daughter?