We’re both 25. It’s been over 4 months now since my boyfriend started dieting, aiming for his dream body. Of course, I’m happy for him because I want him to do what makes him happy. But with my history of anorexia, I’ve been struggling more and more with it every day.
His words and actions are more and more triggering for me, and the harder I shrug it off, the more open he is about it all, because he believes I’m “recovered.” Realistically though, I don’t know if I can ever recover, but rather, just tolerate and learn to live with it.
There are 2 things I struggle with the most. First, his actions, which are becoming more and more restrictive, while he is exercising more and more. For example, he will now weight his food with scales, and has counted out exactly 6 onion rings because that’s what the serving size is on the back of the bag.
Second thing are his words. He is becoming more verbal about how many pounds he wants to lose, what parts of his body he wants to lose, like how he doesn’t look good until all his stomach fat is gone, etc…
All of these things make me feel like I’m constantly watching my past mirrored back at me every day.
It’s been over 4 months and I have no concept of what is normal or not in regards to food and body image. It’s been over 4 months of living in painful anxiety, and I’ve resurfaced some old ED thoughts of trying to lose weight as well, since I’m watching him do it.
I love him, and I want us to work.. but I’m so lost as to what normalcy is supposed to be, and I don’t know how to make us work. Any thoughts about this whole situation?
Tldr; I have a history of anorexia. Boyfriend has started his journey to achieve his dream body, resulting in actions and words that remind me of the past I am trying to heal from. I want to make this work somehow…