This man (44M) and I (32F) met at the beginning of last June 2023. I had just re-entered the dating pool after taking a break for 4 years, and he was fresh out of a 4-year relationship with a very avoidant woman who initiated the breakup. We fell for each other hard right away, and shared a whirlwind summer romance and were basically inseparable for 3 months. He eventually ended things in September 2023 due to not feeling “the spark.” He also knew I was headed towards wanting to deepen our relationship (meeting families, etc.), and he didn’t feel he was ready to go towards that point with me.
We didn’t see or talk much with each other for about 6 months after that, only exchanging intermittent texts here and there. We met up in-person in mid-March 2024 and have been seeing each other regularly since, doing all our old relationship-y stuff, but not boyfriend/girlfriend – spending nights + weekends together, going out on dates, having amazing sex, texting each other daily, chatting through the night, keeping up with each others’ lives.
Last night while talking, he told me he felt like I’m the woman he used to wish for. He prayed, manifested, whatever you want to call it, for months to find his perfect woman, and then we met. He told me that I’m everything he’s ever wanted in a partner, and I check boxes that he didn’t even know he had, and he should feel crazy about me…but he doesn’t. He’s spent countless hours since our breakup trying to figure out why, and he hasn’t come up with an answer. He emphasized he cares about me deeply and is having an amazing time with me in the present and is trying to take things day by day and wants to keep spending time together to see what might happen.
He stressed that he didn’t want me to overthink his comment, but I can’t stop thinking about him not feeling “crazy” about me. He recognized that he’s still healing from his breakup from his ex, and that what he knows as feeling crazy about someone as unhealthy – he is used to extreme highs and lows of a relationship, and since I make him feel safe and secure, he may see it as boring or lack of spark.
These were things I knew deep down, and ultimately the same thing that was the breaking point in our relationship when he ended things in the fall. I’m the opposite of him, whereas I’ve always been head over heels for him, treated him like a king, and was convinced at one point he could’ve been “the one.”
After his comments last night, I’m not sure where to go from here. I know that I deserve someone just as crazy about me as I am about them. But I also know relationship and attachment traumas are real, and he has skewed views of what it means to feel a spark with someone. I don’t want to waste my time putting more of myself into him and us just to possibly have my heart torn from my chest again, but I also recognize the importance of patience in a lasting relationship and enjoying the moment for what it is, trying not to worry about the future. I guess I need an outsider’s perspective, tough love, or anything in-between. I truly love this man and see forever with him, but I need to put myself first this time around, and I’m not sure where I go from here.
TL;DR: Ex and I rekindled a connection. He says I’m everything he’s ever wanted in a partner and woman, and although he cares deeply about me, he should feel crazy about me, but he doesn’t, and he can’t figure out why. He is used to being in toxic relationships and having extreme highs and lows when it comes to partners, so he has a skewed view of healthy relationships. Do I keep enjoying time together to see what happens between us or consider him a lost cause and breakaway before I get my heart broken again?