Ok, so to summarise bullied most of my life at school. Now at uni, really struggling to make lasting and satisfying connections. Can go days without anyone messaging me outside of group chats and family, both at home and uni. One of the main issues I struggle with is chronic lonliness, I could feel loney at a flat party… Im an extrovert and love chatting. Ive had the comment of being both a great listener and talker from adults, with a strange level of maturity for my age especially when younger. So clearly its something inherent about my experiences with people my own age.
On top of this most of my school friends have felt forced, as in my parents would feel sorry for me, often came home and like cried my eyes out, even when I was like 16/17, I would sit outside at lunch and the whole year group would walk past me and barely notice… So as a result of this my parents were in regular contact with school. It was a case of be nice to him cause hes lonely, every interaction I had outside of the loner group I was with (beggars cant be choosers) felt as if it was patronising and insencere. Now Im at uni just finishing first year. And have never felt more lonely. I have developed a few close friends (maybe its one sided irdk). However, I feel closest to two people in year above, one of which I rarely hang out with (tragic I know). Anyway the semester is ending, and had gone like quite a while without any interaction. Told my parents, didnt want them to make a huge deal out of it. They clearly did, I got a message from both of them literally 5 minutes apart (these two dont hang out with eachother that I know of, two very different groups of people). One of which was an apology for not responding.
I hate being treated like a vase, I want friends who actually appreciate what I have to offer, rather than aww we feel bad. Maybe im just being paranoid. I asked them upfront if they had contacted the uni or the private accomodation im staying in about said situation. I got told to stop being so paranoid and that theyd “never” do such a thing. I think not.