Hey everyone. I know the title of this post is definitely going to bring on some heavy themes and I guess I’m prepared to finally (potentially) face them. To be honest, I have no idea how to ask this question without y’all knowing what goes on in my mind, but I guess I’ll try.
I’m 25, I work 50 hours a week and I work graveyard shift (10:30 PM to 7:00-7:30 AM) six days a week (Sunday Night-Friday Night). I have practically no social life because, well, how could I? I’m in a town with not many people my age and those who are work while I’m off work and sleeping when I’m working. I had everything going right for me at one point in my life. Good grades, good future set in place, and a beautiful and amazing girlfriend. That is until she cheated on me. It threw my life through a wall and I just kept spiraling. My grades plummeted until eventually I dropped out because I couldn’t handle it. I went to therapy and got some issues resolved and even tried dating again, but I never made it past the first date before I panicked and threw everything away… again. I’m in debt, granted it’s not much and I know it’s not, but I can’t find the nerve to pay it off because I know the moment I do I’ll try to go back to school, which will only result in me failing again for the third time. I just feel so stuck. I tried reaching out to family, one of which is a therapist too, and she brushed off my concern again. I just feel so hopeless and lost.
I just need to know, does this get any easier? Everywhere I look all I see is how shitty men are, how we’re monsters, how we are worse to be around than literal bears. I know none of these are true, but it still hurts. It still makes me debate how worth it this whole thing really is. I just want to feel like someone gives a damn, but no one ever asks if I’m okay. Nobody asks me about my day, my life, my problems. Nothing. I have no friends, my family is too focused on literally everyone else because everyone just assumes I’m okay.
Does it ever get better? Does life ever get better when you’re all alone? I know some people will dive into this and tell me how I’m depressed and I need professional help, and I’ll admit I do. I’m not looking for help (but won’t push away suggestions). I just need to know if it gets better. I’m just ranting here and allowing myself to vent to complete strangers because at the end of the day all this means nothing and everyone will forget about this post in mere hours.
I’m sorry, but thank you for allowing me to express some of my demons haunting me.