As the title says, lost me mom. Last week, shortly after she sent a text to me about me coming to visit in June, she took a shower and passed away. Didn’t get to see my reply that I’d be coming for sure.
She was 77 and I’m 33, so a bit of an age difference. She had me at 43 and I was her whole world right away, but even more so when my dad and her divorced and it was just us two from age 7 on. I loved my mom so much. As a kid, she was everything to me. As a teenager, I was moody as we all are, but still loved her to death. As a young man, some harder feelings showed through as she was quite mentally sick and there was some emotional scars I guess. I also moved away from home 4 hours away off and on for a few years chunks at a time from 20-now. I was married young at 23, and I didn’t see her much during that 4 years of marriage… I felt so bad then, and even worse now. But back then she was dating someone and she was happy and I was happy she was happy.
The past 5 years hadn’t been as happy as her boyfriend passed a few years ago and her physical health was quite poor as was her mental health and I spent lots of time with her but again moved away for work and a girl I had been dating awhile. While I’ve married this girl since and she is perfect and my mom loved her and was so happy we found each other, I wish I’d never moved.
Anyways, I don’t know how to move on. I cried like a baby in my work truck on the side of the road when the cop called me. I did a good bit when I got to her place to start going through her stuff off and on the first two or three days. Finally I am back home for a few days before more of the moving and packing stuff and today it’s hitting me hard.
She supported me my whole life. Drove me and sat in the ski lodge all day while I skied, financially helped me out with hard times even with not much, laughed at my poorly done stick and poke on my shoulder, rubbed my back when I was sad or upset, even in her 70s. She was the best when she felt good, and that’s all I could ask for. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.
I feel I let her down by not being there more. Will it get better?