Context: My (25F) boyfriend (29M) and I are in a LDR, dating 10 months. Known each other/were friends for 5+ years before we started dating. We’re quite serious, talking about kids, getting married, living together, etc.
Recently, my (25F) boyfriend (29M) and I were at a wedding and he slapped my butt during the reception (not lightly). I don’t like when he does it because it spooks/startles the hell out of me and I don’t like to be touched in that way. I’ve expressed this in the past, but never directly said “don’t do this again.” This time, I told him that I didn’t like it and asked if he could please not do it again. He acted shocked by my request and that I didn’t like it, asking me to explain and saying “really?? really??” Anyways, I explained again that it’s just not something I like, it makes me uncomfortable, etc.
He then says in the most despondent way, “I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life not being able to do that…” I immediately start to try and soften the blow of the boundary for him, saying that it could change! That I could get more comfortable with it over time! and apologizing. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I genuinely feel bad that I really don’t like to do something that I know other people do with their partners to show affection. I’ve never had a boyfriend who would do this, so I’m also navigating this for the first time myself. He genuinely seemed very sad and unsure whether this was something he could accept in a relationship.
Any advice on how to deal with things like mismatched ways of showing affection? Or how to feel/know when your requests are reasonable? I’m pretty sure he’s going to do it again, so what to do when your partner forgets (or disregards) the request and does it again?
For people who like to smack butts, could you be in a relationship where your partner didn’t like it?
**TLDR:** My (25F) boyfriend (29M) slapped my butt at a wedding, which I dislike and have mentioned before. When I asked him not to do it again, he was shocked and said he wasn’t sure he could live without doing it. I feel bad and unsure how to handle this mismatch in affection styles. BF(29M) said he doesn’t think he can live life w/o slapping my (25F) butt. Any advice on how to deal with mismatched affection?
\*\*\*Posted this in another relationships page, thought to post it here too for more perspective/advice. Had to make a ThrowRA account to post it here