My boyfriend and i (23m, 24f) have been dating since December, so around 6 months.
He is very sweet, caring, always making sure i am comfortable and happy but lately he started doing some strange things and they make me so uncomfortable.
He hugs and compliments a lot but he doesn’t kiss me anymore, sometimes i get a quick kiss and that’s it. When i try to kiss him he let me do it but usually he sightly turn his head so i kiss his cheek instead.
We don’t make out, not even during sex.
(During the first few months he was way more physical with kisses)
Foreplay is not great as well, he was a virgin before me so i do not expect him to be a sex god. he has always made sure i had orgasms and pleasure but in 6 months he barely did oral to me despite my encouragement in his skills.
Someone once told me if a guy doesn’t like to give you head he doesn’t really like you, and i’m honestly starting to believe this is the case.
Despite being very sweet outside the physical part the fact that he doesn’t caress me, he doesn’t kiss my body, is making me worried.
I don’t understand what’s wrong, we have been together six months, we are supposed to be lovebirds in the honeymoon phase and yet i feel like he is refusing me…
Just a month ago, while visiting his family, he kept on telling me how much he missed me, how much he missed my body and all the things he wanted to do once we were together again.
When he came back i had a minor surgery in my genital area so i could not have penetrative sex until a week ago. The first time It was just penetrative, quite painful and i felt so bad and distant from him, emotionally. no kisses, no foreplay
In addition to this he started making comments about my body that i do not particularly enjoy.
He is always assuring me i am beautiful, when i feel insecure he is always hyping me up.
But at the same time he keeps talking about my hair removal method, he insists that i should try his electric razor because it’s better than waxing and i do not need to wait for hair to grow, he makes me notice i forgot to remove few eyebrows hair. He even told me i should remove my facial hair with tweezers and not wax because that’s how his sisters do and it’s better.
He asked me to consider going to see a dermatologist to remove the very common sebaceous filaments i have on my nose, and he told me if i have oily skin i should wash my face more.
He has a huge obsession for blackheads removal and having skin free from imperfections, we spend hours with him checking my skin and removing them, at first it was fun, now it just makes me insecure because i feel disgusting and dirty.
I’ve always been very insecure about my skin (i had acne) and recently i started accepting that having texture, sebaceous filaments ecc is normal and even if i take care of myself there is a limit to what i can achieve.
Now, i have pcos (= lots of hair), i wax once a month, it’s the best and most comfortable hair removal method i’ve used so far, i double cleanse and moisturize my face twice a day with good products and yes sometimes i miss a spot here or there.
I waxed my face few days before surgery and a week later i had a small regrowth, it didn’t seem bad to me, and it hurt me that he was making comments about my body while a was barely able to walk or sit without pain.
I see that these comments are not made with bad intention.
I am starting to believe he is not attracted to me, but he has yet to realise it. for him I’m not good enough the way i am and deep down he doesn’t like my body
I’m not bringing this up to him because it’s a very stressful period for him with uni, so i wanted to wait and see how the holidays will be with more time together and less stress.
Any advice? Maybe i’m overreacting but the whole situation is hurting me a lot
Tl;Dr
My boyfriend is very sweet and caring but rarely does anything more than hugs. Plus he keeps on giving unsolicited advices on my body pointing out every small imperfection i have
2 comments
>very sweet and caring
No, he isn’t. You’re just trying to convince yourself that he is so you don’t have to face the fact that he’s treating you like shit. Why are you tolerating this?
Uhh. No, you’re not overreacting. At first I thought maybe it’s a breath thing. Also guys can prefer not to give head and still love someone. Dislike of certain sex acts doesn’t equate to a lack of caring.
BUT
He appears to be overly fixated on skin perfection. Which y’know, is basically non existent. He shouldn’t be this invested into your body. He’s set an unachievable bar, and not only telling you to do methods that you don’t prefer (he knows what’s better for you? I think not.), but is also pressuring you to seek medical intervention for normal body features? Uhm. No.
If your boyfriend is not attracted to you, I think his real problem is he won’t be attracted to a human. I mean maybe if he finds someone with the skin genome jackpot?
I think it’s concerning that he had this much involvement with your body in ways that override your comfort and preferences. You need to lay out some serious boundaries and get this guy back in his lane. He can either appreciate you, or you can stop playing teacher and find someone already aware of how bodies are.
I mean really, you spend HOURS with him picking over your skin? Are you dating a monkey?