I 38m am continually building sexual resentment toward my wife 36F due to several factors that come together when she’s on her period. We have been married for 14 years and together for 19 years and have 2 kids.
She has never been a giving person sexually. I almost never receive a blowjob/handjob unless it’s foreplay before sex and even that is probably only 30% of the time whereas she gets oral nearly every time and if it’s not oral, it’s something else. Also I want sex at any time from morning until bedtime and guess when is the only time that she wants it? Bedtime when I’m fighting to stay awake.
When our sex life is good, we are having it 2-3 times per week which is enough because I am pretty much a one shot guy, after that I need a day or so before the feeling returns, a few days before I’m 100% sensitive again. This causes anxiety for me about masturbating and I only do it when she’s on her period.
I do it when she’s on her period because our sex life goes into a complete shutdown. This is the main issue for me. Neither of us wants to have PIV sex, but I still want some intimacy. Usually it’s already been a few days or more before her period starts so I’m going 7-10 or more days without being touched or worse sometimes teased and let down.
I have brought this up many times and all but begged to do other things. She knows all of my kinks and the fact that I’m very easily satisfied. I’ve told her I enjoy the ignored type of handjobs and things like that or even if she would let me play around with her and do it myself. I’ve brought up mutual masturbation, hiding away for a few minutes, just anything at all and none of it happens.
I go from being horny to being frustrated and then resentful over that time period and it starts to affect my whole day. I’ll bring up porn on my phone all day long but not actually masturbate because of the whole anxiety over not being ready unless it’s the first few days. I’ll do stupid things like buy a sex toy or check out a cheap onlyfans and then feel dumb when I’m out of the funk. I really don’t know what else to do but I don’t want to live in this cycle anymore. It’s so bad that I don’t even want anything when she finally does.
Question – how can we fix this problem before it completely destroys our sex life.
TLDR: My wife and I are completely non intimate for 1-2 weeks every month while she’s on her period and the days surrounding that. She seems to not take me seriously when I bring it up and nothing changes from talking about it. I feel more and more resentment over this to the point that I don’t even want sex when it’s back to being an option.