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Went to my high school annual barbecue, and it was so much fun. They had lectures beforehand with our faculty members, and damn, I love sinking my teeth into analyzing poetry and statistics in gerrymandering.
The thing about my school is it was basically Chilton (and I’m basically Rory). I had a hookup-turned-date at the beginning of the school year who I was on the fence about (age gap, clearly depressed, hated the city he lived in with the fiery passion of a thousand suns), but he really really fit in at one of these alumni events. Chatted away with a recent grad who could’ve been his son about soccer. Turns out he went to the second best high school in his hated state and went to the same college as Steve Jobs. Dude was *smart*.
And after seeing how much my mood was improved after socializing with people I consider my peers, I’m determined to screen for intellectual curiosity. I live in a place where being “average” is actually seen as desirable, and that’s just not me or for me. Part of poetry is engaging with the ambiguity of life— I’d rather have someone complicated and troubled than simple and happy.
But of course there has to be a spark. Some older guy asked of one of the classmates if I were his wife. I cracked yes, he doesn’t know it yet. He’s a perfectly cool guy but I’ll admit not my “type” physically (and has never hit on me). Well we all know that Rory will always go for a 10 even if he’s avoidant and keeping her as his side bitch.
Wow- just looked at speed dating events happening in my city. The cheapest events are $46 😱 And don’t even include a drink or snacks.
Brief summary and update:
Met a guy while on vacation in the US. I’m from Denmark but moving to the states soon (I’m gonna be in a different state than him). We’re both in the medical field.
We have kept in touch since I got back but we don’t talk every day. I knew from the beginning that he’s a bad texter and prefers phone calls and how it would be a challenge once we’re in different time zones. Sometimes we talk every day, sometimes a few days go by with minimal contact. When he calls we talk for 1-2 hours.
The last couple of times we have talked, the conversations have gotten very serious and specific about what we’re looking for in partners and what we want for the future etc. On one hand it’s nice to figure out if we’re compatible very early on but it has also been very intense.
For example he asked me if I’d ever consider being a stay at home mom. I mean, family is the most important thing to me but I didn’t work so hard and get this far to stay at home… However, I’m used to the Danish way of life where the work-life balance is very different from what it appears to be like in the US, so I can’t say for sure. Maybe it’ll make sense not to work for a while, or to work part time. I don’t know.
Our last conversation was super intense. It was about religion, how religious we are/want to be, and how we want to raise kids etc.
We’re not 100% aligned which was expected, but in the moment he said all the right things and everything seemed fine. But we haven’t spoken since then (Thursday) and I’m an over thinker…
I mean I want daily communication as it is, but especially after a conversation like that I’m a bit annoyed that he hasn’t reached out. How do I communicate that to him without sounding needy/clingy?
Or maybe I am being clingy? I understand we both have demanding jobs and we’re in different time zones so I don’t necessarily need us to talk for hours every day, but I don’t want to go days without texting/calling either. Maybe just a gm/gn text. Idk, I’m kinda finding it hard to navigate this ever since our conversations got this serious. I have only known him for a month, and with me being in DK right now I kept my expectations of this turning into something serious very low and even though I wanted to talk more frequently I was more okay with that not being the case before.
Happy Saturday folks 👋🏾
It’s quite the gorgeous day! I’m a little disappointed in myself for not going to a brunch I was invited to but it was honestly too short notice for me. And I’m in between salon visits *sigh* I need like a week in advance to plan anything. Plus, I already had it in my mind that I’d do stuff with my kids today. They’re going on an extended vacation in less than 2 weeks so I will be focusing on showing them a good time before they go.
I’m really pleased that the man I’m dating has been maintaining a bit of daily contact while on his vacation. I had prepared to not hear from him at all lol so this makes me happy.
I’m getting some chores out the way that I ignored all week (not nearly enough but oh well haha). Plan on cooking and having a day at the pool with some drinks tomorrow.
Overall good start to the weekend.
dear DOT diary,
still feeling sad that a guy I like is not a good fit for me. he’s so confusing. says he doesn’t want casual and is still wanting to pursue this with the intention of it becoming a LTR. but then doesn’t ask to see me or plan dates. he is passive in his friendships too—he is so fine being alone that he really only does stuff if people ask him to go. I think he genuinely likes me and doesn’t lie but I have a hard time believing he isn’t aware of how his behaviors come off. I told him “i’d like to see him more, ask to see me, aloof does not work for me, intentions are nice but the actions are what matter most to me”. Really seems he’s just not that into me/we aren’t compatible and it SUCKS. It’s been hard to accept this bc of the ✨potential✨. He’s the only person in the past year that I have felt a strong connection with. Thank god for breakup karaoke with the girlies this weekend.
A woman whom I’ve developed feelings for, opened myself up to and invested in told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship two months ago. Yesterday I saw her on a dating app looking for a relationship.
I really hate how much this hurts. Again. I actually thought she was different. I still hoped for this *maybe one day*. Apparently I just don’t learn.
I have no idea if I can do this again, if I could open myself up again. Or if I even want to.
Today is my 30 yo birthday. Weeks ago i thought, finally for the first time in my life i can celebrate with my bf. But we brokeup last week. It’s rough.
I celebrated with my friends yesterday since both of them are not in the city this weekend. Today i celebrate virtually with my family back in my home country. It was fun, I feel greatful . But at the same time I feel so lonely.
30 years old, chronically single with a very small friend circle and no family closed by. I wonder if i will ever be able to have my own small family.
I’m in my girlfriend’s SUV. There’s a total of 4 women in this car and me. 4 women, 4 purses, and a vehicle with ample storage. How in the hell is there not one damn napkin or tissue in this car is beyond me. Seriously, who doesn’t keep something in their car. The glove compartment, the center console, between seats.
I love shopping, but shopping with 3 women you’re dating, and your daughter should be added to the Geneva convention as inhumane torture. So here I sit, 4 purses, hungry, a wet spot on my sleeve from the water that got spilled in the car, missed lunch reservation, and only 2 or 3 more stores….they swear. I’m gonna make them watch me buy a new tie when they’re done. Gonna make them hold my wallet the whole time to.
Beautiful sunny day where I live. I went to a flea market downtown. Tons of couples walking around smiling, hand in hand, *etc.*
I’m happy for them. It’s a beautiful sight, but also a reminder of what I’ve always wanted but never found. It’s so painful…
I’m excited for my date tomorrow. Really excited.
Quick recap, we’ve been talking for about 3 weeks now. We had a date planned a week ago before I had to leave for a work trip but unfortunately she got sick a couple days before and we had to reschedule, a week after I got back.
I was disappointed as we connected really well via text and I find waiting 3 weeks to meet usually kills it but this time it brought us closer together. It’s been a LONG time since I have connected with someone off an app like this. I ended having to drive back home for my work trip, which took me three days and this girl kept me company the whole way. We’ve spent hours on the phone together and just communicate so well.
I know we haven’t met yet and I’m trying to not get my hopes up too much but really, I’ve been digging for red flags and signs to think otherwise and I just can’t. I’m able to just be myself with her over the phone, texting, etc. it’s so refreshing and she’s just so supportive of everything.
So I got her a single rose for tomorrow date, wrote down a lyric on a little card from a song we’ve both been obsessed with, she told me she loves flowers, romance novels, and just thoughtful gestures. I usually wouldn’t do this the first time I’m meeting someone but I don’t care, I know she will love it. Planning on giving her the rose near the end of our date if all goes well.
Wish me luck!
One of my new, cute, texting buddies is becoming a cute, talk on the phone buddy.
I don’t understand what’s happening here people. Eight years of men online telling me I’m old and fat. Now the ones in real life are so . . . genuine. Suspicious?
Or maybe, just maybe. . .leaving the house. Going to where the people are. . .works to make. . .connections?
*Match Group ninja sneaks up behind me with a rag of chloroform*
Have been on handful of dates with someone. He asked to see me again and I offered days, where he mentioned he might be busy with an event then.
Asked him to let me know if not, and he did let me know that he was not going to be busy with the event, but also did not take my offer up of meeting on the days I had mentioned nor did he propose his own.
He mentioned wanting to see me and now this. I am so lost in this communication, so taking a step back.
Created a throwaway just to rant… Last night, I caught my first catfish ever. Unfortunately he was not what was advertised.
Even before meeting, I had already noticed that something felt off. But I kept the interaction going due to sheer curiosity and to push myself out of comfort zone. I’m so embarrassed for letting myself bend some boundaries, while maintaining a sliver of hope for redemption.
Although I knew that I could’ve turned around and left, I was still a firm believer of giving people chances. It’s very disappointing that he only proved that my original suspicions were spot on.
Overall, he seemed respectful, but I think that should be a given? It’s absurd to even feel the need to acknowledge it. It’s insane that my first thought was gratitude that my cat wouldn’t be starving tonight or tomorrow. That it could’ve gone a lot worse. That I could’ve been a statistic. What’s even worse is that I feel the need to give closure. And I still feel obligated to communicate this?
Thankful that this experience had solidified my stance on maintaining firm boundaries, and an absolute zero tolerance for anyone crossing them.
I feel so sorry for all the men out there that are genuinely looking. I will try not to let a bad interaction ruin my future matches.
Going to an indie music festival today. Hoping to manifest some ✨ cuties ✨
😂
Trying to keep up the motivation of going on first dates. I totally get the mindset of thinking about it as an opportunity to meet different people and putting less pressure on it. But it’s hard to walk away from all the dates and feeling like it’s going to be near impossible to find someone who I’m attracted to and have enough compatibility with. Honestly my bar isn’t high as far as box checking superficial things but I still want to be attracted to someone etc.
This is probably a dumb question, but is it normal on the apps to just not respond to everyone? I feel like I cannot possibly respond to every single person who messages me. And honestly I’m a bit stressed out trying to keep track of everything I’m half tempted to delete them. I feel bad though ignoring people
I joined a yoga studio and had my first session today. While I really enjoyed it, I gotta say “join a yoga studio to meet women” is some of the most cliche reddit advice ever lol! The class was almost all women but everyone seemed to be there to get healthy, not hit on.
Edit: I should clarify- I joined to get healthier not to meet women. The class could of been all old people and i still would come back. I just commented because I often see people go “cant meet women? Join a yoga studio” commented here almost daily and it seems like a very disingenuous reason to join and one that would get seen through very quick
The heat index is 108……it’s only May. If any of y’all ladies invite me to “Netflix and chill” we better be standing in front of a 15,000 BTU air conditioner and watching Love is Blind.
Y’all … how can I get better at handling rejection? I miss 100% of all shots because I refuse to take them because I’m afraid of rejection. When I do experience rejection, even if it’s really mild and not a big deal I take it way too hard and it makes me not want to put myself out there ever again. Do I just need to do it more? Will I get desensitized to it?
For men that date women, do you ever feel like you are in the business of selling/providing boyfriend solutions? What I mean by this is that you are evaluated (or you believe you are evaluated – perhaps a difference) on your ability to consistently provide boyfriend solutions like charming banter over text on a consistent basis, fun and creative dates (that require logistical planning/effort as well as risk taking/dealing with ambiguity, etc ), upfront financial investments in terms of dining experiences etc etc.? Basically what I take women to be asking for in their profiles when they say they are looking for “effort” “consistency” or the common Hinge prompt where it’s like “be ready at 7” etc.
The problem at least for me when I frame it this way is — working a demanding but rewarding job takes so much mental and emotional energy just to get through the day (I personally deal with a tremendous amount of messages, emails, tasks, and meetings) — that the “uptime” of my boyfriend solutions platform cannot be consistent without foregoing self-care like gym and leisure time and/or risking serious burnout. It gets really stressful because it’s like a second job. And the attrition rate of boyfriend solutions providers seems … high.
Whelp. Update on hot gym guy. After crying a little and trying to work through a mini heartbreak I think I’ll be ok. We had a really great date a while back that lasted for hours. He wanted to make more plans, so we did, and texted a bit throughout the week about them. Day of the date, I told him what time I would be available and asked when he would be. He 100% ghosted me. I watched the hours tick away and felt my heart sink lower and lower. By 10:00 pm I realized there was not going to be any response. It’s been over 24 hours since I heard from him last.
I know I’m worth it, I know I’m loveable and I will find someone – someone that knows how to communicate during hard conversations. But damn this still sucks. He did not seem like the ghosting type! Even when it took forever to respond he kept me in the loop. The only sign I had of disinterest was he wasn’t really contributing to potential dining out places. He would respond with “I should try that sometime”. I see the guy all the time at the gym so this is going to be awkward for him next week. Idk what happened? I’ve never experienced ghosting like this before. Sure, from the apps after a couple dates I’ve been ghosted. But this is someone I have had regular contact with, have little bouts of conversations with, have hung out one on one several times etc. Idk how he thought this was going to work? Definitely going to approach him at the gym sometime. Idk what I will say but I have to at least break the ice.
Dating hurts sometimes.
Edit: I forgot we even joked about how ghosting sucks and it would be super awkward if that happened in our situation. It’s the most confusing, mind boggling shit I’ve ever experienced.
My week of “romance” with a traveling musician will be coming to an end. Seeing him perform tonight and then it’s curtains! On the fence about deleting Tinder. I will be on holiday in Europe next month so I wonder if having an app offers any benefits? I would think not but if any DOT folks have any experience, please share.
What do you call the feeling of wanting to have something casual but at the same time not having the energy to get into apps at the moment?
So…. I’m asking as someone who’s not having English as a first language to natives here, does “showering you with love” means actually the same as saying “I love you”?
I used the expression to describe affection but…..now it feels like I might have said big L word bomb like nothing?
[deleted]
So the woman I thought was stringing me along [is this rant a few days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1crua6f/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/l42ddzl/) was legitimately just busy during a busy week at her job.
We’re back to our normal texting schedule, and have a date tomorrow (a short hike and picnic overlooking the river).
I’m getting better at anxious attachment, but I’m grateful threads like this exist for some catharsis for the days when I’m struggling to push past it. I might just make it after all.
I (33f) am so tired of people saying “you have to be okay on your own”. I AM okay on my own. I’m happy, I have hobbies, I have friends, I have my dogs but I want a partner. I want my person and I’m terrified that I’ll never find them. It doesn’t consume me but it’s valid and I’m allowed to feel it.
i went on a rly good date last sunday with a girl im super into. i asked to go on another date and she agreed but said she was busy til this tuesday which i spiraled about. liking someone fucking sucks 🙂
I (31F) am really attracted to a guy (35), whom I asked to hang out this coming week. To my surprise, he agreed, though he didn’t set a date because he said it’s a busy week for him.
Holy cow has my anxious-avoidant attachment style flared up, as I’m still waiting for him to confirm a date/time. I started worrying about all the ways we could be incompatible, and I downloaded dating apps and made profiles, only to delete them 2 days later. Does anyone else freak out like this when you like someone?
My therapist suggested deep breathing and telling myself I’ll worry about it later. It’s not really working. I’ve been trying to distract myself by staying busy every day, and it helps a bit. Any other ideas?
I think I’m somewhat attractive but it’s not working out with men in London. Can anyone please review my profile and tell me where I’m going wrong?
It could be that I have a terrible personality but I don’t think that’s the case 😕
The other thing I think is that everyone is just so beautiful here that I’m unattractive by relativity 🥲 which is ok, but not knowing is annoying
32M three dates in with 29F, one month, only to find out she doesn’t want anything serious. What a waste of time, OLD is such a joke.
I am assisting in an ESL class (35f) and at some point I met a Mexican (30m) and got his number so that he could ask for help with English. So I help him with English, and he wants to take me out to eat somewhere and I obliged him.
We would meet at the park, I taught him how to play a game of frisbee golf, and he tells me he wants to touch me like hugging, kissing, holding hands, he wants to touch my ass and for weeks I’ve been working this up pretty slowly and eventually I kissed him about a month after talking to him. So it’s been over two months and there’s been some confusion about what is expected of each other.
We’ve been making out at my house, we made out in my car and I keep telling him he has to ask first. He keeps wanting to rush things and I’ve had to tell him several times that I want to get on my birth control before I engage in sex with him. He says he’s okay with it and then he still tries to have sex with me. One time I placed his hand on my breast and he called us pareja which is “couple”. But I didn’t understand what would be expected of me so I told him we just need to remain friends.
I have not been in a real relationship for 5 years and have also not had sex either. I want sex when I’m ready but he seems real anxious.
I feel as if he is impatient and only wants one thing. I am getting a lot of mixed signals from him. I have canceled a couple of dates on him because he has certain expectations for how a relationship should progress. I speak okay Spanish and he English. We have both said I love you “Te amo” after two months, and we talk to each other every day.
I’ve never been in a bilingual relationship before and I’m a bit reluctant about accepting intimacy even if i do want it, but what I really want is a real relationship with this man and he says the same thing but I’m confused so I was hoping someone would help share their insights and questions about this.
How long would you consider continuing a relationship where neither person has said “I love you”?
I’ve been dating a divorced man (started dating 1.5 years post divorce) for four months and am getting to the “I love you” point myself, but know he’s only ever said that to his ex wife. Obviously that has me scared to share my feelings, but I recognize them not being reciprocated at this point in time is a risk I would take. That said, how long would you be willing to date someone where that’s (potentially) not expressed? I’m trying to consider my timeline for seriousness with the relationship and considering I’m mid 30s and want kids, feeling a bit anxious about the whole thing
I need an outside opinion on a dating situation. I have been talking to a guy I met on an app for roughly a month. We text everyday and we talk on the phone multiple times a week. From the nature of the conversations, he does seem at least somewhat interested in me and I am interested in him. I have been extremely clear from the get-go that I am only looking for a serious relationship, which he said he was too.
We have rescheduled the first date now four times. We talked about going out today last week, but when I texted him about it last night, he would not confirm any details. I texted him today wanting to know what the deal was, he calls me and says he’s going to visit some family in town and he may or may not feel like going for a drink afterwards. He did not tell me that he had any other plans for today when I texted him previously. He lives almost 2 hours from me and we were supposed to meet halfway. I told him I did not feel like driving an hour if he could not confirm whether or not we were going to actually do anything tonight.
He has offered to reschedule again, which I have agreed to for the time being. We have yet to confirm an actual date or time or date activity. I have made it very clear that because of my job, I work a lot of nights and weekends and my schedule changes very last minute frequently. He works a steady 9 to 5 job, leaving the weekend as his only available time to go out, so even just working around our work schedules has been an ordeal.
I am getting the sense that this is a lost cause because of his inability to respect my time and refusal to nail down any details. I’m having a really hard time gauging his interest level. Sometimes he’s texting me all day long, sending pictures and memes, wanting to talk on the phone for hours. Other times, I might get one or two texts that day or if he does call me, it will be for 5 or 10 minutes.
He also says that his job is very stressful and takes a lot of his energy. I could say exactly the same thing about my job but I am trying to find time to squeeze in dates and conversations for him but I’m not getting the mutual respect. Is this a lost cause? Is his inability to nail anything down a telltale sign of future issues? Other thoughts and opinions are welcome.