As the title says my SIL#1 asked me to be a bridesmaid on the day we went wedding dress shopping. I was in the car with MIL and SIL#2 and I agreed. I assumed since the wedding is less than a few months away I’d just end up paying for a dress and since the SIL#1 said they’d be simple dresses I could afford it. We went dress shopping and the bridal gown was 3 grand and they kept saying how cheap it was and how they where hoping they could get the bridesmaids dress that cheap. SIL also said she was planning the bachelorette weekend and it would be “Low key” involving a weekend trip they where planing on a multiple winery tour and an adult obstacle/adventure course and an air BNB rental for the weekend. SIL#2 is the maid of honor and MIL offered to pay for her part of the weekend trip and for her dress. SIL#2 is also going to pick the dresses and she wants to do it online MIL told me since I don’t have a credit card she’d order it for me with hers as long as I pay her upfront. My husband also told me he isn’t contributing towards any of this financially because it’s stupid and he’s considering telling my SIL#1 to drop me from the bridal party. Our daughter is the flower girl and I’ve been told I’ll be on the hook for her dress too. I already bought her a dress to wear to the wedding secondhand since I thought she wasn’t asking my daughter to be a flower girl and I was told that SIL is considering something else since she wants the flower girls in matching dresses.
I already bought a bunch of antiques for wedding decor I was promised to be reimbursed by SIL#1 but she has yet to pay me back as well. I’ve already kissed that money goodbye as I considered it my contribution to the wedding. I also offered my services to sew table clothes and alter dresses as needed. I only work part time because I’m a SAHM and I can only work when my child is at school it’s really limiting on what kind of employment I can get.
I don’t want to not be a bridesmaid but whenever I ask what the budget is or I suggest more budget friendly options I get shot down. I suggested the bride pick a color for the bridesmaids dresses and then SIL#2 and I can shop for our own dresses (I didn’t tell them I was planning on getting mine secondhand but they guessed it and where upset) and that was shot down. I don’t want to order dresses online because even though it might be cheaper there is no guarantee it will fit right and they told me they don’t want me altering it myself since I’m not a professional seamstress. I got told off for suggesting I hem the wedding dress to save money because it would be super easy given that the tulle just needs to be cut and the underdress can be hemmed easily.
I feel like the bride is already pissed at me for trying to suggest cheaper options and I feel if I drop out due to financial concerns she’ll never forgive me since this is her big day. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. If I scrimp and save up (Probably have to pick up tons of extra work on top of my already busy schedule) enough to pay for this my husband will upset at me for “wasting money” but if I drop out my MIL and both SILs will be mad at me. I feel like I’ve been dropped into a no win scenario and I’m really stessed. I don’t know what to do I’m so lost and see no way out.