I feel like I’m not emotionally connected or attached to people. For example, my own family, both my mom and dad side love and cherish me and hold to a higher pedestal than others, they treat me like I’m some sort of God, and they etr always excited to see me. However, I dont reciprocate the same emotions they do, I don’t really care about anyone in my family, not because I hate them or anything, I just don’t feel anything towards them, (no love or like) Like if my siblings were to die today or tomorrow I most likely won’t feel anything about it. They just feel like strangers to me that so happen to be related to me. I just don’t find any attachment to anybody, not even to the point where I just like them and want to hang around them.
Even my “friends” that I have I don’t feel any emotional connection to. I don’t care about them, nor do I care what they say. I know this is very selfish of me to say, but this is genuinely how I feel about anybody I come across to even my own family. Even my childhood best friend I don’t have any connection or attachment to. If she decided to cut me off today, I most likely won’t care or feel anything about it. She has wanted to cut ties with me before because of the way I act, but she still clings to me for some reason. I know this hurts her a lot of people who she knows and cares about most. I don’t seem to give a shit about her or reciprocate the same energy. But I just don’t, like I just can’t seem to care or feel any connection to people if I tried to.
This has led me to be isolated from everybody and only caring about myself and only myself. I don’t know why I am so selfish, My dad raised me to never be a selfish person by exposing to me to many harsh realities and teaching to give back. But it turned out the complete opposite of what my father wanted me to be. I just want to be able to feel love for somebody, whether it be my family, friends, or partner, but I just don’t have that connection or attachment anymore