My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 9. She is amazing and our relationship is great. Because of her sheltered upbringing and her personality in general I would describe her bedroom interests as vanilla. Our sex life is good, but anything we do that is “kinky” is something I want to do. I don’t have an issue with this as she is willing to try things, and I only include these details to frame how out of character her behavior is recently.
Her best friend who I will call Sara was cheated on by her ex husband and finalized her divorce about three months ago. She has spent a lot of time at our house recently because she is having a difficult time and does not really like being alone. There have been no issues with this, Sara and I have always got along and if coming over a couple times a week to hang out with us helps her feel better I am all for it.
Last week my wife started asking me weird questions like if I “ever thought about having sex with other women?” I thought this was insecurity from spending time with Sara and hearing about her ex cheating on her over and over. I have never cheated on my wife and do not think about cheating on her, so I was very adamant I do not want anyone besides her. She started framing the questions as hypotheticals and saying things like “what if I was ok with you having sex with another women?” I finally relented and said that if “in an alternate universe where she was ok with it and it didn’t affect our relationship I would be interested.” I followed up by stressing that she didn’t have anything to worry about and I would never do what Sara’s ex did to her. She then just blurted out “would you want to have sex with Sara?” Sara is attractive but I said absolutely not, because at this point it really felt like some kind of weird test. She kept trying to dig at the subject, and I got kind of pissed off and told her to stop trying to trap me into saying something stupid. She dropped it and we didn’t talk about it again until the beginning of this week. She again brought up Sara and what I thought of her. I was pretty freaked out by this and started to think maybe my wife thought Sara and I had something going on so I offered to let her look through my phone or check anything else she wanted to. I think she saw I was getting upset so she finally was direct. Apparently Sara doesn’t want to start dating but really wants a casual encounter with a man. Dating apps and meeting up with a stranger are out of her comfort zone, so my wife said “you can borrow my husband” and intended it to be joke. Sara thought she was being serious and was all about the idea.
My wife is telling me she finds the idea of me pleasing another women really hot and basically offered up Sara to me. Cheating has always been a deal breaker for both of us so I am really confused by this sudden change up. I have not given her an answer but she is really pushing for me to do this. She brought it up mid sex last night and was really getting off to the idea of me having sex with Sara. I am so torn because I have always wanted to see my wife express her kinks, but I just really feel like she has not thought this through. I think the fantasy in her head is so different than what reality will be. Neither of us have ever been in a relationship that includes outside people and I fear that she isn’t prepared for the emotions she will feel no matter how many times she tells me she is. I will also admit that I really want to go through with this. I was content only having sex with my wife for the rest of my life, but now that the idea of getting to have sex with another women one more time is out there, I want to.
I am worried this will hurt my marriage or their friendship or both. I don’t want to miss out on what might be the only time this is on the table but I really really do not want to mess up my marriage. My wife is so important to me, and losing her would be devastating. Has anyone been in a situation remotely similar to this or have any advice on how I should navigate this?