I was born into a wealthy family and never had to worry about money before. My husband comes from a different background, but his family never went through difficulties.
I don’t usually spend money on things I really don’t need, only on those I see value in. And I am not a daily spender. I tend to not spend for months on end and then maybe 2 or 3 times in a year I splurge on a few things.
I am now pregnant and am not working this year, but have been for the past 8 years and have been feeling very proud about my path and how much money I’ve been making. But my husband is currently the main breadwinner.
I have an account with way more money than him (we still need to joint accounts) that my parents so kindly gave me.
But he has a very different view on money than me. And it’s driving me insane.
I don’t mind spending on things that would make our lives more comfortable, but he, for most things, doesn’t see it the same way I do. But at the same time he just spent 27k on a car, and at first I didn’t think it would be necessary, taking into account that we are living abroad and he’s buying the car for our country of origin for when we spend our holidays or just a few months a year, but I ended up agreeing because I wanted him to be more comfortable with the car he was driving.
Now I am the one researching things to buy for the baby and he is always questioning me about my decisions and saying how we don’t need most baby things and that we can just get the more cheaper options.
Mind me, I am spending so many days researching and trying to find the best and most suitable options for our baby that I got really frustrated that he was questioning me and not trusting my judgement. And yes, I am picking some more expensive items, but it’s not like we need to spare money! We’re talking about a 200€ difference in some items, that for me is more than justifiable taking into account the value.
For example, we went on a ski trip with my family and he spent 1500€ on a ski suit and I was the one who insisted. He ended up being very happy from his purchase and even said he was feeling bad because I didn’t spend any money on myself, which I replied that it was okay because I didn’t really need anything at that moment.
But he doesn’t seem to have the same attitude now with my things or the things I think are valuable.
I don’t know how to proceed to find a common ground. In the beginning I told him that I didn’t want to ask for his approval for items that costed less than 1000€, and he seemed to be okay with it. But multiple ocasions have occured where a 400€ purchase is not okay for him, eventhough I researched and thought it was the best option.
I also like to splurge on hotels because I see the value in staying in a nicer hotel or room and he flips out, even when the difference is 200€ (when the total costs less than 1000€).
What’s your advice? How can we find a common ground?
I am really frustrated, feel very stuck and almost like a little kid that needs the permission from their mom and dad and I hate this!