I’ve been married for a bit under a year. My husband is really fantastic- very kind, super supportive, great provider, checks all the boxes. We don’t fight often, and make up quite easily. When we do fight, it’s usually admittedly me starting it because I prefer to address things right as they’re happening. For example, if he says something upsetting right then and there I’ll say ‘that really hurt my feelings.’ He is TERRIBLE at this, and really tries ‘lets things go’ but then they build up to a bigger issue than they are because he keeps it bottled up. The past few times we fought, he’s said things such as ‘When you did that nice thing for me the other day (something I planned genuinely) I was honestly even shocked you did that. That’s so out of character for you.’ Or ‘We got that bit of bad news the other day and I knew you’d cry about it. It’s so predictable.’ When I have conversations or moments with my husband, I am very genuine and don’t really have any underlying thoughts or ‘icks’ about his behavior at all- and if I do have an issue with what he said or how he behaved, I don’t pretend like I didn’t I always let him know.
Basically, I’ve found that my husband is a fantastic actor I guess. These moments that we share that I believe are genuine and wonderful are brought up in fights as something such as ‘I can’t believe you did that’ or ‘that thing about you is so awful.’ It’s making me think and I’ve asked him- do you even like me? He says of course he does, but then he has these rather large issues with my behaviors or personality that I feel like a spouse should not have. He says he can’t be as honest as I can in the moment because I’ll flip out, but it honestly makes me more paranoid now every time I’m with him and we share a wonderful day I’m like ‘Was that wonderful for him though? Did I do something wrong?’ After a series of miscarriages I’m now pregnant and unemployed, wondering if this is normal and nervous that the stress of this is gonna cause another miscarriage