In my culture people tend to wait to have sex until marriage, I personally feel like the concept of “exploring” while you’re young is not something my heart could handle not even for religious reasons as I don’t care for that sort of thing but because I could never engage in that level of intimacy without completely being attached. I am completely in love with him and he is the kindest person I have ever met and I find him very handsome. I feel so much affection and enjoy looking at him.
When I finally had sex with him it was great and both of our first times and after some time I am completely uninterested.
I have no idea why that is but these were some of the reasons I have thought of…
1.I initially didn’t care that my husband was on the thin side but found myself longing for more muscular more toned body but at this point in time he has all of this and I still feel uninterested.
__2. I am attracted to women and am actually a lesbian__
– I have always known that I was attracted to them even before men and have never allowed myself to explore that fully due to fear of how my family and community would react. I never cared for men’s physique and felt neutral towards it the way I feel towards my husband body. However, I wonder if it’s society’s emphasis on hypersexualing women’s bodies and its easier to connect
__3. I am asexual?__
I’m not sure if this counts but it feels like I like the aesthetics of people and can be aroused by them but I don’t actually want to perform sexual acts? I wonder if I just like the idea of sex but not fully immersed when engaged in the act.
__4. Husband’s inexperience is frustrating.__
He is extremely willing to try anything but any wrong move takes me out of the moment and I am no longer interested and it happens so frequently that I feel anxiety and don’t want to explore.
__5. We almost got separated.__
There was a stressful period in our marriage and we almost didn’t make it and I no longer feel connected
__6. I have frequent dissociation from ptsd__
Self explanatory- I tend to zone out completely and I can’t tell when I’m zoned back in