I’m a man who struggled with dating and mental health for years. After finally getting fed up with feeling sorry for myself, I decided to do everything I could to change. Years later I’m more successful in dating than I ever imagined I could be, but very little about the process of getting to this point went how I thought it would. Here are some things I learned that helped me, in no particular order.
– Looks won’t get you far without confidence and a good vibe. I thought that glowing up would change everything right away, but it just got me a few more matches on apps and nothing else
– Inversely, if you have confidence and a good vibe, you don’t need to look perfect. I’ve let myself go a bit, and I’m doing way better in dating now that I’m comfortable enough with myself to not fixate on my looks
– Good mental health is hot
– Don’t overly focus on avoiding embarrassment or rejection. Having bad experiences is the price of having good ones
– You will never be considered attractive to every woman, even if you’re the best version of yourself. And that’s fine, because you don’t need to be
– The typical male ideal of the male body isn’t actually what many women like or want
– Dating is a collection of social skills that must be learned by doing
– Make close plutonic female friends. Watching how they date shattered so many of my misconceptions about what women want
– Being open and fun is extremely attractive. And you can only really be open and fun if you’re enjoying yourself
– Apps aren’t totally representative of the real world because women get so many likes and messages. Looks matter more, and being a good texter matters a lot. If you use apps, focus on being fun and interesting in your profile and conversations
– Be sincere in trying to connect with people, rather than focused on outcomes you want