is there really no way for me being liked back? i am not his type, let alone his ideal. honestly even after 2 years of no communication and us recently had a talk last week, made me think i actually never moved on and that i still like him.
i do not wish for any romantic relationship because i can’t afford that, i’m just curious if it is indeed impossible. somehow, i wanted to use it as a motivation to drive me from being the girl that i want.
i tried not to think about my lingering feelings on him, because last time i confessed i ruined it by being so weird and nervous around him that the conversation i hold sound forced, and i keep getting hurt because of my actions as i always keep overthinking about it. that’s why i wanted to protect our friendship, because that’s the only way i can hold and be close to him.
he is nonchalant, and i don’t really know how to keep up a conversation with him too ㅠㅠ
he likes games, his favourite lol player is T1 members, he likes to read and he is somewhat a content creator. despite all these years, i still know a lot of him and still find him as one of the genuine people i really like to have in my life.
i know this is confusing as i said i do not wish for anything, but somehow i wanted to be liked even if it’s not romantic. do i make sense? i like talking to him, i like how he made me feel, i like spending time with him even knowing he actsd like that with his friends too, i like his attention but i barely get that, idk how to even hold a connection with him as he isn’t a talker either or was it just me he couldn’t open about?
ACTUALLY NEVERMIND, I THINK I’M JUST TALKING NONSENSE BUT HAVING A CRUSH ON HIM FEELS GOOD.
To be honest, i might get hated by saying this but even if i met other men [ who ruined my life ] during those years that there wasn’t a communication, i still think of him and i remembered crying over the fact that my ex wanted me to delete the playlist he promised to keep because he knew that he was once my crush [ tho i had a realisation that there’s still a lingering feeling ] made me cried so hard that time because those were good times, and having to delete that made me feel like i would lose something on me because after choosing to leave and move on from him, that’s the only thing that was left from me.
I don’t mind deleting him on other social media but not the playlist, i barely had met anyone who genuinely made me happy when life was difficult so having to delete that made me like like it is also deleting a happy memories that only comes once in a while..
Also i’m glad i am no longer his because those 2 years and half months that i’ve been with him made me felt like i am living in prison, lost a lot of genuine connection having to deal with a guy who has deep rotten issues and insecurity that i felt like i am not his partner but a teacher who is also a mother parenting her child.