Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 3 years. I love him dearly and I know he loves me and wants to commit to me forever. We have a lot in common, same sense of humour and have made some great memories together. I’m 30 F and he’s 45 M. Last year we separated for a month ish – he’d moved into my place and he started to show some ways and habits that I really didn’t like (drinking too much, mood swings, getting upset when I made plans with my friends or giving me the silent treatment when I would return home from said plans, he didn’t make much of an effort with my child, family or friends and financially he wasn’t able to meet me in the middle which I was never happy about). On top of that, his kid (and stepkid) would be at my house all weekend every weekend. Honestly I’d bit off more than I could chew – I felt like I was providing a lot for him&his kids, I wasn’t enjoying the relationship or much of a social life and was starting to feel way older than my years and like a stranger in my own home so eventually I asked him to move out. I missed him and we ended up back together after a month (ish)! and it’s been fine because we live apart so I have my own space, quality time with my child which is uninterrupted, and I don’t feel the resentment I did when we were living together. One last but important note – not to sound shallow but this man physically could not be further from “my type”. I have never found him physically attractive but I am attracted to him more for the person he is. (Not including the traits I discovered since he moved in)
Now the dilemma! (Sorry needed to give you context)! I met my best friends new boyfriend last night – he told her he knew how important her friends are and wanted to meet us all so we had a BBQ and some drinks, oh and he’s absolutely gorgeous – and it’s opened my eyes to so many things I am missing! My boyfriend – let’s call him Clark. Clark never made any effort with my friends – he would hide in another room if he happened to be in the same house as them, or he’d go out. He never wanted to invite them over and wouldn’t go out for food or a drink with us. I, to this day, have NEVER met any of his friends. This made me think about how isolated I feel in the relationship. Maybe it only works because it’s us two hidden away from everyone else? I’m a sociable person so I feel like I’m holding myself back for his benefit. I’d love to socialise with a partner.
My friends new boyfriend is more traditional and wants to be a provider, whereas Clark is happy to coast through life, complain about money while being happy to spend mine. And just to remind you about the age gap – I’m absolutely not with him for money (I earn more than him anyway) but by 45 I expected he’d be in a better place in life not moving into my house because his parents had had enough! And then to remind you of the lack of physical attraction. Long story long, I’ve realised that this relationship isn’t my ideal by any means. But I’m torn because I do love him and I really don’t want to break his heart. We’ve already separated once and it nearly broke him. What do I do? I’m worried if I stay I’ll always wonder about what could have been. I could be with him for life – and I wouldn’t be unhappy but probably not the happiest I could be! Maybe I’d be settling because he’s the first nice man I’ve come across. He does treat me really well which I have never experienced before and I’m worried I won’t find this in anyone else! Thoughts & Advice please….