why is it always the person who doesn’t wanna socialize the one who has to compromise

9 comments

1. I think it goes both ways. You perceive him as rude for not respecting your solitude. He may perceive you the same way for not wanting to socialize. You’re establishing your boundary (don’t want to go), he’s establishing his boundary (asks people to go and gets rejected). You wonder why you have to interact with him. He wonders why he has to keep asking.

   Neither one of you is getting your needs met from the other. So why do you feel you’re the only one compromising? ARE you compromising?

2. > why is this world catered to socialization if it does the opposite of good for some people.

   I honestly think it is because the majority of people / the most influential people fall into the former group. Just the way things kind of naturally settle. Ask anyone who has to wear clothes in weird sizes, we live in a world is built for the average person.

3. Every person is responsible for maintaining their own boundaries. You don’t get to be an exception. You are not a magical unicorn.

4. There is no such thing as a person that needs 0% social interaction. But that’s not the main issue.

   **Why do you have to spend any time interacting with someone?**

   If you do not want to interact at all with someone else, then just don’t do it. You don’t have to. But, who are we talking about, really?

   A friend? You don’t have to have friends, it’s not mandatory. But if you want to have friends, you need to give them something in return. If they get nothing from you, they won’t need or want to be your friends. Again, you can be alone in life if that’s OK with you (but the human brain doesn’t work like that, and full social isolation is like an illness or alcoholism, it really affects you.

   Your parents? If they are paying for your expenses, and caring for you in many ways, you could get over yourself and spend some time with them, out of the gratitude, or also out of self-interest: you don’t want your parents to kick you off the house, right?

   Your love partner? Certainly not the case, right? Because you do want to interact with your partner in a daily basis or that’s not a partner or anything.

   **Why is me needing to be in solitude all of the time perceived as rude or something wrong that i need to work on?**

   Why is people’s need to socialize (with you) perceived by you as whatever negative? The same applies in the other direction. You have a need, they have a need. If you two need or want to be with each other, then you two need to compromise. If you don’t need or want to be with this person at all, then just remove them from the premises and never again talk with them.

5. You’re both compromising in the situation you described. She compromised by not bothering you all the time to hang out, and you compromised by going out once in a while when you have the energy.

   But having said that, you only have to compromise it you want to stay friends. You don’t have to be friends with anyone. Or if it’s family, you don’t have to stay in contact with your family.

   The thing is, almost everyone wants to keep friends and family around. Sometimes, we feel lonely and want to talk to someone. Sometimes, we just want to do something fun, but not on our own. Most people can’t imagine never being in contact with anyone. We’re social creatures. Most need socialization sometimes to live a good life. I would be miserable if I just went to work and sat at home, with no contact with anyone. That’s what almost the whole world experiences.

   If you can be happy living in solitude, then good for you. But since there is barely anyone who feels the same way, people don’t know this. They don’t understand what you’re feeling. Most people feel shy and don’t reach out a lot, but do want to interact from time to time, so the people who are making an effort think that they’re helping you.

   If you don’t want to interact with people ever, just ignore them. Go live your own life in solitude. Let people know that it’s not them, but you prefer to have no contact with anyone. If they keep bothering you, you ignore them. And if it’s certain people, then just stay in contact with the people you do want to stay in contact with.

6. You don’t.

   If you don’t mind me asking OP…. who is this post referring to (in relation to yourself)?

   The thing is really… we as individuals are not that big of a priority in most other people’s lives. Sure you may get the odd unsolicited advice/ recommendation to socialise – and it may even be for reasons beneficial to you. But if you decide to be a recluse, and have a means of sustaining that lifestyle, most people are going to leave you to it.

   If there’s any reason why you may have to be the person to compromise then, going by your post, it’s because **you’re** the one seeking this other person’s approval. Or even societal validation.

   If this other person’s presence is providing some sort of benefit to your life, and they’d only want to be present if they can have your social attention, then yes you’d have to make a decision on whether to compromise or not.

7. If you don’t ever want to talk to someone again, tell them that or just don’t ever talk to them again

   What difference does it make to you if they think it’s rude or not? You’re not talking to them.

8. Because socializing is an expected norm of living in a society. If you don’t want to do it, you’re the odd one out.

9. If you don’t want to interact with them, then don’t.

   But we live in a world of give-and-take.

   If you’re not give them something that they need, they won’t be there when you need or want something.

   Maybe that means finding other people similar to you.

   Maybe that means never asking anyone for anything.

   Or maybe you only give a others little time and just make your boundaries clear so they know what to expect.