Hi everyone,
I don’t know how often it happens that someone asks for advice or help from this perspective. My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been together for over three years. In our second year, I was the worst person ever. I was a bad partner who didn’t appreciate him, was cold sometimes, and almost always selfish, with a very low sex drive.
My boyfriend was the saddest he has ever been, I think. He felt unloved. I got better when I changed my medication and worked on myself, and we’re happy again.
I still do things that I shouldn’t, please don’t judge me
I was listening to “The Greatest” by Billie Eilish, and I cry every time and feel so, so bad because she describes almost exactly what my boyfriend went through. I see my boyfriend’s sad and disappointed face and wonder how I could have been so mean to him. I have felt like the worst person for the last 2-3 days. We talked about it, and he said he forgave me a long time ago and that he wasn’t the best boyfriend either (I disagree). He still loves me and thinks I’m the best girlfriend.
I still can’t let go of the guilt. I feel so bad, and I’m scared that this feeling will never go away. Does anyone have experience with this (from my point of view)?
TL;DR: I was a bad partner for a year, improved after changing medication, but still feel guilty despite my boyfriend’s forgiveness. Anyone else experienced this?