I (26F) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for about 6 months. She is wonderful! Thoughtful, kind, considerate and beautiful. She’s emotionally aware and very supportive. We both really enjoy each other’s company and have talked about our longer term futures. We’ve also both shared some prior insecurities from relationships and I trust her a lot.
For some additional context, she has a husband (32M) who is also great! We are in a sort of non traditional thruple where I’m essentially with him too, but our relationship is more so physical and the emotional aspect is still growing, just slowly. All of that is okay! Just adding some background. My insecurities and fears aren’t derived from this aspect of the relationship.
I would said 90% of the time my mind and anxiety are at bay. However, my problem is usually after spending a few days together (let’s say Thurs or Fri to Monday together) I don’t want to leave (I typically spend nights at their house when we’re together!) We may or may not make plans for the future but regardless I just get this general feeling of unease. I love this little life/routine we’re starting to build and I just want to be around her. But I truly do want to respect that she needs more alone time in general. Also, time spent apart doesn’t really bother her like it does me.
We have talked about this and she’s understanding and wants to be reassuring and validating but I just feel bad/annoying needing more reassurance than her.
To help cope with this so I’m not bothering her every time I’m anxious or when we’re apart I’ve come up with these things, but I would like to hear what you do when you’re apart from your partner, or just generally feeling anxious bc of past fears.
Things I do to help:
– journal
– exercise
– have a snack and drink some water
– go back and re-read a sweet message she may have sent recently
– try to work on a personal project
So yeah, overall just looking to see what coping mechanisms you may use or any advice you have.
I am very pro-therapy and in the future would also be interested in starting therapy but have just been too busy lately and it fell to the back burner. But starting here bc while she says it doesn’t annoy her if I share any of my anxious thoughts or feelings, I don’t want it to be something I’m not working on. I still want to be the best partner I can to them and I don’t feel it’s her or their job to always assuage my anxious mind.
TL;DR: I have a great relationship with my partners and don’t want to mess it up by having unresolved issues I’m not actively working on. What are some of your coping strategies when you’re feeling anxious in your relationship?