My friend and I share a mutual female friend who acts differently around both of us. It doesn’t bother me since she platonic friend though. But curious why she (and people) would do this?
Around me, she’s very sweet, encouraging, acts very respectful, and is kind. Can act pretty clean cut. We also go to the same church.
Around my friend, they drink, smoke Hookah, talk about their sex lives (not with each other but with other people), and talk lots of shit. Just casual stuff you know. They also go to different churches.
Since she’s a platonic friend, I don’t really care that I only see the “good” side of her around me. Better to feel respected than not but I know my friend sees her true and comfortable self. All good though
But it got me wondering why girls (and people) act totally different around each other? My friend once speculated she doesn’t want me to think of her in a bad light but honestly it doesn’t bother me haha
14 comments
Honestly it sounds like both sides are her, and the different friends fill the different needs. Everyone has the proverbial “angel and devil” on their shoulders.
If you aren’t personally into drinking, smoking etc. maybe she is just respecting your boundaries, which is a huge green flag for a platonic friend!
And if you are into it, join them sometime!😁
Do you like to drink, smoke hookah and talk about your sex life? Odds are you and this other friend have different interests so she shares the similar interests you both have in common with her. Like I have friends who are gamers and some who aren’t but I don’t try to make those friends of mine who aren’t gamers play games, I go to the pub with them or watch movies or whatever our common interest is.
When I’m with my nerdy friends, we talk about video games, D&D, and comics… when I’m with my bar friends, we argue about politics, gossip about drama, or rate each other’s dating app matches.
I’m always the same person, I just have different overlapping common interests with different groups of friends.
Most people highlight the parts of themselves that work best for a given scenario. It’s all them, just different aspects.
Some of that is for acceptance, some of it is respecting the boundaries and values of who you’re around, all of it is just about building a pleasant social life.
It’s a basic social skill we pretty much all engage in, even if some do so with more variation than others.
I think it’s something we all do to some extent. Sounds like she is tailoring her behavior to what she thinks you’d appreciate and engage with. Some people thinks that’s fake, I think it’s sorta thoughtful and sweet.
People connect on different things with different people and we often highlight those common interest to enjoy each others company.
There are probably things about you she enjoys being able to do/say that she feels like she couldn’t do/say with her other friends.
Odds are this person caters their interests to the person they are with. If you don’t drink, they probably don’t talk about that stuff with you. If their other friend doesn’t go to church, they probably don’t talk about that stuff with them. They like both of those things, they just only bring it it to their friends with similar interests.
People generally function like emotional mirrors. Ever heard of what goes around comes around?
Sounds like she’s someone who’s able to meet people at their level. I like folks like that. They are usually chill and down to earth.
Social context.
Dramaturgy
Because we are social animals who want to be liked by others so we adapt our behaviour to what we know/think is most desirable in any given context.
Everyone can be sweet, encuraging, respectful. Not everyone wants to drink, smoke, and engage in vulgar conversations. She’s showing you one side of herself because thats probably the kind of person you are and she doesn’t want to offend or turn you away. Your other friend she feels more comfortable being herself.
I do it to blend in, try to meet people and still do what I’m supposed to do in that environment.
Because people are multi-faceted and two friendships with the same person can be based off different common interests.
Just make sure they are aware they behave differently and accept both types as opposed to pretending the “evil” version doesn’t exist.