I F32 found some texts on my Partner’s 35M phone to another woman in another country.
We’ve been together 17 years in total
Initially a lot of it was just chit chat but I could see he tried to flirt at one point and she showed no interest. I confronted him about it etc. And he basically told me that he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me and voiced some concerns around me as a person and our relationship that he didn’t like.
I felt like he didn’t like a single thing about me but I’ve been working on it, and he told me he blocked and deleted her.
Fast forward 5 weeks and he’s been acting really defensive with me and almost hiding his phone…eventually inhad a look at it and he has still been talking to this woman after telling me he wasn’t, and she had created a new username (i had reached out to her woman to woman, because he has confided all these issues to her but she blocked me)…and of course things have now escalated to pics, I miss you, etc. I searched her username from my account and she has me blocked on it. I only wanted to ask her why she didn’t point him towards home rather than taking advantage of the situation. Now she is under the impression that I’m never around and he must be lonely, but this couldn’t be further from the truth…I’m always asking to go do things and being shut down, but when friends suggest the same activities, he is all for it.
Anyway, when I brought it up again he keeps saying about the same “issues” that I’ve been working on, but I feel like it’s almost a blame game but at the same time, I know I’m not the easiest person to be with, I do get overwhelmed sometimes.
We’re in a very stressful situation with housing at the moment and have been for a few months, he doesn’t deal with stress well at all and previously it was all put down to that and that it wasn’t really his character…but the thing is…it kind of is at this stage
I’m very very hurt and extremely unsure in myself and the relationship at the moment…he is my safe space where i thought i could be 100% myself…and now i dont feel like that…I truly want him to be happy and if that’s not with me so be it.
He says he loves me and I do believe him, but maybe that’s my denial.
TL;DR Husband messaging another woman unsure of his relationship and if he is happy and wants to stay in it.