[Important premise: we’re in a long distance relationship and we’ve been dating for about 8 months] It all started about 2 weeks ago when my girlfriend (F21) and I (F20) had a little argument regarding me being jealous because another girl kept flirting with her. I know my girlfriend doesn’t like me being jealous so I told her that I’d do my best to be better for her but also for me, because I recognize jealousy is not healthy in a relationship.
All good, until a few days later she told me that she wasn’t feeling well mentally and needed some time to herself. I respected her decision and told her if she ever needed something I would’ve been there for her. In the following days she was silent for a while but then she gradually started being more active on social media etc. so I decided to text her to ask how she was doing. No response. I thought “It’s alright, maybe she’s not in the mood to talk” but then I asked our mutual friends and they told me she had been talking to them just fine.
I text her again and she ghosts me again. At this point I didn’t really know what to do, so I took the very dumb decision of ‘stalking’ her social media to see what she was talking about with other people etc. and not only I see a bunch of girls giving her compliments etc under her photos, but her also leaving comments under other girls posts (strangers to me) saying things like “You’re so gorgeous” “I love you so much marry me” and “I have a HUGE crush on you, you’re so pretty”.
Now, I don’t really know what to think about this because since we’re both girls, I feel stupid getting jealous over her leaving nice comments under other girls photos because, I mean, it’s something girls usually do. Supporting each other and hyping each other up. So I think it’s fine if she says “oh you’re so pretty” or “Oh you’re beautiful” but saying things like “I have a huge crush on you” to someone, even if you don’t mean it and say it just to be kind, is weird if you’re in a relationship. I would never even dream of saying something like that to someone else if I’m taken.
Other thing I should clarify, she basically never tells me that I’m pretty or any compliments in general, she used to at the beginning of our relationship, but I noticed in the last 1/2 months she’s been doing it less and less often. But she can say that to other girls just fine, I don’t get it. I’m aware I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world and all those girls whose posts she comments under are much prettier than me but.. I’m your girlfriend. I tell her that she’s stunning and that I adore her all the time, (and I mean it ofc) I talk about her everywhere with everyone, but she never says anything about me, as far as I know, not even a story on Instagram when it’s my birthday. Nothing. And she’s out, so it’s not a matter of “I’m scared of what people would think” everyone knows that she likes girls but I’m pretty sure no one knows she has a gf.
I don’t feel loved anymore, and it sucks and it’s weird because she’s the one who first hit on me, she’s the one who fell first and confessed and asked me to be her girlfriend, but now we’re like this and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I did to make her change her attitude like this, I don’t even know if I did something at all; ever since we’ve had that argument about my jealousy I never acted on it, I never said anything when other girls kept hitting on her, because to her “it’s nothing I have to worry about” and I want to believe her, but now it’s really difficult.
I know I should talk about this with her and have an open conversation about it, but I’m so scared of hurting her feelings if I tell her I don’t feel loved. She’s been going through a tough time (I don’t know what exactly since she never told me) and I think her girlfriend vomiting her insecurities on her is the last thing she needs right now; but this has dealt a blow both on my mental health and confidence.
She texted me a few days ago, apologizing that she didn’t answer and asked me how I was doing. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I lied and told her everything was fine, we had a small talk about our day and that was it. I really know I should confront her about this, but the thought of hurting her with my words is so terrible I’d rather take all the pain myself by not bringing this up ever.
I’ve also started thinking that she may want to break up with me, but hasn’t done it yet because she’s kind and doesn’t want to hurt me. I know she doesn’t do the things she does to hurt me, but she doesn’t think about me when she does them either, she doesn’t think about the effect of her words, and it’s not a matter of “I shouldn’t say this or my gf gets sad” it should be a “I won’t say this because it’s disrespectful towards my gf”.
What do you guys think? I really need an advice from someone who isn’t involved personally